Shed musings...

Day dreaming

Its been a bit of a hectic week -full on Daddy Duties including the dreaded visitation to the  "dark side" well actually its  the "pink tutu side" at the little angels dance school
- I was slightly early  picking up  "dark side angel" -the normal routine is to take her into the building help her into her pink fatigues (whilst avoiding eye contact with all others- painfully aware you are the only person in the building wearing steel toe capped boots) then beat a hasty retreat to do the  "Tescos donut"  run with the two boys,then take in a drive through car wash on the way back to "tutu lair", unfortunately due to the cold weather the car wash was out of order and I found myself (after leaving the two boys in the car listening to Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti) -in the "parents waiting room" I managed to resist  the temptation of leafing through the various publications on offer- such as "menopause weekly" and "tat chat" and started to daydream whilst listening to the little pink fairies charge around in attack formation-I was wondering what came first, cup holders in cars or coffee chains? it must have been the coffee chains- we would have no need for cup holders in our cars if it wasn't for the people selling it to us at every opportunity and thus making us drive around with it attached to our dashboards - none of my present  classics have cup holders although a couple I have owned in the past - a Bentley and Rover P5  had  fold down "picnic" tables in the rear- that doesn't really count as someone else would be driving as you tucked into your pickled eggs, scotch pies and various meat based savoury products - I guess its a reflection on our busy life schedules that we need cup holders in our modern cars- in the sixties and seventies we had time to pull over, crack open the tartan thermos and watch traffic from a roadside lay by sipping on lukewarm Maxwell House, thus didn't need the "dashboard mounted  espresso, latte, frappe dispenser"  or was it the fact that driving an older car takes far more concentration and two hands on the wheel to keep it on the road , maybe after 100 miles on dodgy kingpins and worn trunnions you needed the thermos hit to calm your nerves!

My sort of cup holder

Taking the piss..

...more musings later ....

A big thank you ...TOTAL IS IN!

Round Britain Reliability Run Total is in...

Last weekend the total raised for the event was handed over to Children With Cancer at Club Triumphs annual awards Dinner

and the total was ..£65,248.95 

A very big thank you to all that sponsored  "Team Shed" we contributed just shy of £900 to the total -special mention needs to go to the following 

J.H.P -the Yoda of all Sheds (I.E My Dad) 

"Uncle Slimey"

Kempster

"Homer"

Charlotte and my long suffering kids!

The event is run every two years, the next being October 2014 it will be Team Sheds 9th run and the Cairo  Taxi will be back for that one

Still with its 2010 stickers!

For more info on the charity and the event  click here  or here

For a recap of the event viewed from the shed click here   or here for still photos

It goes without saying Team Shed passes on a very  a big "thank you" to Tim Bancroft and his organising team !

Roll on 2014

Pointy food,fish faces and sheep....

Latest from the sheds...

Its good to hear from foreign corespondents once in a while the following tag lines coming from an equally sarcastic grumpy bitter shed dwelling type from north of the border-

"Cumbria claimed back by Russia as part of Siberia" "Suffolk to open first winter sports resort" "Intelligent Scots create refugee wave into England as Alex Salmond gives sheep the right to vote on independence"

So I guess a bit hacked off with the weather and Scottish politics? - this was the latest  update regarding Mr Salmonds cunning plans-

"The flocks revolting!-Ewe cant pull the wool over our eyes fish-face" says spokessheep Shaggy Lamb

Floating a biscuit

Fish Face

sheep

I see a school has banned triangle shaped food

- all though I think horse shaped food is still on the menu-does this mean we will be seeing warnings such as "This food food may contain triangle shapes" -that's Dairylea and Laughing Cow fucked then isn't it?

Anyway stating on a product what it "May" contain is bloody lazy -  what the label should really read is-

 "it may contain something we really cant be arsed testing for" or " our product quality and production methods are so slack that it could contain something that will make you shit like a veal calf for a month or it may not"

Fish face and veal calf's

Sharp soft cheese -safety alert?

Normal stuff,memories, grumpy moans,musical bells

View from the edge has a bed partner http://shedtunecars.blogspot.co.uk/- I thought it would be easier to keep the car stuff separate,they will both be on the Shedtune web site once sorted out 

Normal stuff-

The last week or so has been the familiar combination of house bashing and Daddy duties  - I lucked out of Bastard Ballet this week,my wife being home to take "little pink princess" to the "Pushy Mothers School of Dance" parking our 10 year old Audi A3 next to the new Range Rover "Jordans"

The house bashing has been slow but steady the bathroom floor is now a bit stronger 

Still plenty more to do before I start a temporary contract  for paid work in mid April

Grumpy

The weekend involved a shopping trip and measuring of feet, the 3 year old proving he is actually growing and needing to move up a shoe size, unfortunately the shoes he wanted and threatened to throw a strop about would have gone well with a white track suit, obligatory Range Rover "Jordan" and a hair transplant-the only saving grace being they were blue and not sodding pink.

I did point out to him that if he chose those it would be a slippery slope into track suits, hoodies, KFC and borstal - apparently I said this a bit loud- and without studying the other clientele in the shop -my wife asking me to disappear before I got glassed-he ended up with the bloody shoes, only because his feet are narrow and they were the only ones the right width

 I note with horror that channel four are broadcasting a program called "gogglebox"-which is a "reality show" watching people watching the fucking telly -how bloody lazy, give me a documentary on the 100 year war any-day, I did happen to watch our local news the other day -it must have been a Sunday or a slow news day at least,as they were reporting on a pub music venue in Bath called "The Bell" that might be forced to close-now if I was a local reporter wanting to spice up a boring news report on a grey slow news day Sunday I would have gone with the tag line "Musical Bell ends?" That would have woken them up on (in-front of)"gogglebox" ..."what did he say love?" "not sure something like musical bell ends in Bath" ...."ooh I might watch this pass me the kebab sauce.. don't spill it on my white track suit"

Memories -its odd what can trigger them!

I  managed to sneak into the shed  for a couple of evenings see http://shedtunecars.blogspot.co.uk/ it was whilst stripping the interior out of the P6 that I found an old pink parking chit- one like the old bus tickets-this one was date stamped 1978 - you were given them by the car park attendants ,who had a little machine, not surprisingly just like the bus conductor use to have -the car park was a bit of  what was called "waste ground" back in those days-before property developers existed - parking bays marked out using old concrete sleepers -the attendant was an old boy in a little shed-wore a cap and was more than likely a member of the Royal British Legion,during the seventies every down at heel Northern town had car parks like these.

The ticket brought memories flooding back to me of just that sort of car park in Whitehaven which was the nearest "big" town to where I grew up (It was a fifteen mile drive and always an adventure).

The ticket I had found was in fact printed with  "Whitehaven car park"  - the Rover P6 was a car local to where I grew up and would have used that car park on a regular basis, hence the ticket under the seat -one memory strangely relates directly to the car park itself, it was a sunny day (strange for Cumbria) myself and older sister had obviously be sent off with Dad "to the shops"- in the car park was a brand spanking new Jaguar XJS V12 - red I seem to remember,not the sort of car you saw every day in our bit of west Cumbria,especially in that car park,Dad was obviously quite taken with it as was I,he filmed sister and I walking round it posing pretending to be rock stars or something -the fact he used some of the very precious and expensive " film" in his second hand "fixed in the shed" cine camera (he still calls digital video cameras cine cameras) meant it was an occasion- the only reason I can think he even had the camera with him,could have been why we had gone to the shops in the first place, to buy film for it- in preparation for one of our nomadic family holidays.these were spent touring Scottish lochs with caravan,mirror dinghy and my five brothers and sisters-we had a 1970 Transit 12 seater as a family car,but by 1978 we had a Peugeot 504 "family estate" that could carry 7- (by that time my eldest brother and sister were excused the caravan holidays)-all these memories triggered by a parking ticket in an 41 year old Rover than ended up with me more by accident than plan,I need to dig out that old cine film and convert it to digital ,you never know the P6 could be in the background somewhere.

Horse meat products-vegetarian option now avalible

You would think with recent events surrounding horse meat being sold as beef Tescos would be checking what goes into their products- imagine my surprise when preparing vegetables for dinner I found obvious traces of human DNA

That's a potato sack

Strangely attractive...

Why am I drawn to this book...

I need to get out more

Normal rubbish plus some other stuff-shed fillers,faded georgian grandeur bashing etc

This weeks stuff...

Since my last post its been quite a successful week or so for society ,another lying politician banged up along with his politically powerful ex wife - why didn't he just take his ban -twat- I am sure he could  have afforded a chauffeur,he deserved a driving ban and by rights should have to do one when he comes out of nick-he will need to be transported as he wont be able to walk after 8 month of prison showers.

Its a shame it wasn't the Ace and King in my pack of cards of political couples being put  behind bars- but I am sure their time will come.

The other big plus point was that annoying twat Bieber has promised never to come back to the UK.

House bashing continues this weeks exercise has been trying not to fall through the kitchen ceiling as I repair the bathroom floor above -the joists have been cut about so badly by various bathroom butchers (plumbers)

This bit wasn't doing much

This is how I found it

New bits starting to go back in-pipe is the temporary HW feed to the Annex next door  so we can wash 

 

Lots more noggins and strengthening to carry on with to make sure the kitchen table doesn't end up wearing the bath,hot water cylinder and wood burner we are planning for the bathroom-on the plus side taking up the old floor makes for easy fire wood- I don't even have to go outside to cut and collect it,all though you have to be careful sending small children up there  foraging that they don't end up on the kitchen table- it was sheer luck the 8 year old dint go through when he came to "help me" on Sunday afternoon

If the house is an an example of faded georgian grandeur there is now some matching faded 70s grandeur in the shed- the  Rover P6 finally making its Journey down from Cumbria, Gary (http://www.vanmancumbria.co.uk/)

and my Nephew made the trip down braving the snow storms and Burger King ques -Gary provides an excellent car transporter service and loves his classic cars so can highly recommend him. 

 The Rover was better than I remember very original and unmolested only one owner since 1975,my plans are to get it through an MOT as soon as I can,get some miles on the "Flying Turf" (This is what homer has started to call it rather than "Brown Turd") suss out what needs doing then swap the Auto box for a manual unit in readiness for our jolly boys trip in September to Nice

The lads stayed here the night...

it was a good job they didn't need to get away till after lunch the next day

Turf being loaded 

Turf being unloaded at Shedtune HQ

I've also had the pleasure of a website salesman from the the US trying to flog a website service- I have taken up there offer of 30 day trail - this wont last- I will revert to the £4.99 Lidl version after the 30 days is up-anyway I don't think he really understood the "Shedtune" irony -the effort they posted up had people in flash overalls clean hands, shaved faces looking under the bonnets of pristine cars ! hmm took me about 30 seconds to get rid of that bollocks and replace it with my own efforts...have a look

http://s460753806.initial-website.co.uk/

Bloody hell look at the time ... I'm off 

Back to normal space time continuum bashing houses etc

The Samsung space time continuum abnormality seems to  have self healed after an one off alarm at 00.03 Thursday- the time rift that had infected my phone disappeared, alarms now go off when wanted, or rather when not wanted- I forgot to switch it off over the weekend resulting in much grumpiness on Sunday morning,but it was a novel surprise to wake up today and realize it wasn't Tuesday - I have a theory that Samsung have been monitoring my posts and don't want their secret out that they don't do Mondays, thus sent instructions via magic rays from space  to my phone convincing  it that Monday is actually Tuesday -will be interesting to see if I wake up thinking Thursday is Friday?

The view from the edge of the Shed is back to its normal self the children have mainly been listening to this on the school run

I explained to the 8 year old about The Clash  and this album being iconic to a generation, after he grasped my explanation of iconic I showed him the album cover  (iconic in its self)  he asked "Why on earth is he smashing up his guitar"  Tricky one to explain,- hes lost in the passion of the music; caught up in the energy;frustrated,anger,making a statement,trying to work out how to use a Samsung phone were all things that crossed my mind, but I had to be careful not to condone it was OK to display so much  enthusiasm and passion about something that you smashed it up -the last thing I wanted was a real life funeral prior blazing in his bedroom for "Jedi Bob" and his X wing that didn't make it back- Super Bloody Nanny never had to explain this one -in the end I copped out and said it was a bit like an "act" but he should never do it during Tuesdays guitar lesson -or any lesson for that matter unless he was old enough to buy his own guitars.

House bashing has been plodding on, I've repaired the bathroom walls well enough to allow a "hardwall" render to be applied prior to plastering I also managed to install a 6" liner and keeper plate to allow a wood burner to be installed next to the free standing bath -keeping me going have been thoughts of day long soaks in the bath sampling bottles of red gently warmed next to the pot bellied stove,in reality  a combination of instant "espresso" coffee, night nurse and other hallucinogenic decongestants have kept me going , as mucus "bilesnot" and old plaster dust seems to have blocked most orifices  normally used for breathing,the end is in sight though,just a bit of studwork to go and the plasterers etc can come in an do thier stuff

I've also been offered some paid work for a few months- which might allow the luxury of a plumber- this would cheer me up no end as I am the grumpiest plumber in the world -the down side will  be having to wash shave, put clean clothes on and talk to people on a daily basis

On a more cheerful note I picked up a manual gearbox and a spare engine for the Rover P6 and it looks like the P6 will be with me in the next 10 days or so

Not the  Rover engine BWM intended to be in a Discovery

The weekend just gone involved catching up with some old friends

My normal pose on a small cold narrow gauge railway

My normal pose at Uncle Slimeys house

Daddy duties have included "Bastard Ballet" "Sodding book fair" and "pain in the arse dressing up day"- the theme was "out of this world" I wanted to paint a black hole on the child's T shirt but this was deemed to obtuse so I went for the very  topical "space rock" theme following the  recent incident in Russia 

More Ziggy Stardust than Brian Cox

The Eight year old with next doors Shetland ponies

That's it for this post I'm off to leak snot onto my pillow...