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Wednesday, 1 July 2015

What’s gone wrong with Trousers?

It’s been a while since the last blog update ..not because I haven’t had plenty to comment on/be grumpy about… Christ we have had an Election and several life sapping windows 8.1 updates since I last posted ….(the f**king printer still doesn’t work)..the M6 definitely doesn’t work this was proven at the last half term holiday- 10 hrs to travel 300 miles, most of that time spent stationary, or at walking pace on the M6- which has been crippled by works installing signs to tell you you’re in a f**king traffic jam!..Madness why don’t the department of (stationary) Transport make the most of free social media platforms,fess up and “facetwit” the entire motoring population that the roads are sh*te,it will take you hours to get anywhere... and you will be late, arriving at your destination with a car full of emotionally scarred children,fluent in a dozen new expletives …the money saved from using “twitface” instead of spending it on a 10 year “traffic jam ahead” sign scheme could be used to fund a dual carriage way “toll road” running parallel to the M6 …I would gladly pay the toll to use it ..Extra if it excluded HGVs and Honda so£ding Jazzes
Really.....?

And what’s gone wrong with trousers? Why can’t I fit my legs in them anymore? What’s all this skinny fit bol**cks? Didn’t we have all that in the 80s?..and why when you even show a new pair of socks  to a washing machine they reduce in size? ..the 10 year old has done well out of this- he now has even less excuse to pick up his pungent ones off the bedroom/bathroom floor as he has an everlasting stock of ones that have caused me circulation issues since being washed …socks never used to do this
Plain STUPID

Camping ..really what is the point ? …turn up argue about how to erect a temporary shelter in a field where other people have done the same, get wet cold and  covered in insect bites, cook on a primitive stove or a “throw away BBQ” that guarantees diarrhoea, resulting in frenzied speed walks to the nearest “toilet” block, sit on disc crippling folding chairs and drink strong cider whilst laughing at others turning up to pitch their temporary shelter (2 hours late due to a traffic jam caused by the “traffic jam ahead” sign post road works) …Last week I actually moved my temporary chair to get a better view of a late arrival going through the pain I had just endured ..and what’s the point of camper vans? Stupid things covered in graphics matching the owners latest “inking” ..I thought they were meant to be mobile? Stop where you want (normally a lay by on the A30) smoke some pot get the munchies move on to the next hedonistic rave.. not so they seem to turn up  spend 4 hrs erecting a tent metropolis attaching to and in some cases fully enclosing the “Van” …what’s the point why didn’t you just put a tent in a normal car and drive to the so*ding field …least then we wouldn’t  all have to do 30mph behind your f**king stupid  retro modern wheezing van loaded down with 3 marquees …
Buy a normal car you twat...



 Like I said .. I just haven’t had time to write it all down

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