Horse meat products-vegetarian option now avalible

You would think with recent events surrounding horse meat being sold as beef Tescos would be checking what goes into their products- imagine my surprise when preparing vegetables for dinner I found obvious traces of human DNA

That's a potato sack

Strangely attractive...

Why am I drawn to this book...

I need to get out more

Normal rubbish plus some other stuff-shed fillers,faded georgian grandeur bashing etc

This weeks stuff...

Since my last post its been quite a successful week or so for society ,another lying politician banged up along with his politically powerful ex wife - why didn't he just take his ban -twat- I am sure he could  have afforded a chauffeur,he deserved a driving ban and by rights should have to do one when he comes out of nick-he will need to be transported as he wont be able to walk after 8 month of prison showers.

Its a shame it wasn't the Ace and King in my pack of cards of political couples being put  behind bars- but I am sure their time will come.

The other big plus point was that annoying twat Bieber has promised never to come back to the UK.

House bashing continues this weeks exercise has been trying not to fall through the kitchen ceiling as I repair the bathroom floor above -the joists have been cut about so badly by various bathroom butchers (plumbers)

This bit wasn't doing much

This is how I found it

New bits starting to go back in-pipe is the temporary HW feed to the Annex next door  so we can wash 

 

Lots more noggins and strengthening to carry on with to make sure the kitchen table doesn't end up wearing the bath,hot water cylinder and wood burner we are planning for the bathroom-on the plus side taking up the old floor makes for easy fire wood- I don't even have to go outside to cut and collect it,all though you have to be careful sending small children up there  foraging that they don't end up on the kitchen table- it was sheer luck the 8 year old dint go through when he came to "help me" on Sunday afternoon

If the house is an an example of faded georgian grandeur there is now some matching faded 70s grandeur in the shed- the  Rover P6 finally making its Journey down from Cumbria, Gary (http://www.vanmancumbria.co.uk/)

and my Nephew made the trip down braving the snow storms and Burger King ques -Gary provides an excellent car transporter service and loves his classic cars so can highly recommend him. 

 The Rover was better than I remember very original and unmolested only one owner since 1975,my plans are to get it through an MOT as soon as I can,get some miles on the "Flying Turf" (This is what homer has started to call it rather than "Brown Turd") suss out what needs doing then swap the Auto box for a manual unit in readiness for our jolly boys trip in September to Nice

The lads stayed here the night...

it was a good job they didn't need to get away till after lunch the next day

Turf being loaded 

Turf being unloaded at Shedtune HQ

I've also had the pleasure of a website salesman from the the US trying to flog a website service- I have taken up there offer of 30 day trail - this wont last- I will revert to the £4.99 Lidl version after the 30 days is up-anyway I don't think he really understood the "Shedtune" irony -the effort they posted up had people in flash overalls clean hands, shaved faces looking under the bonnets of pristine cars ! hmm took me about 30 seconds to get rid of that bollocks and replace it with my own efforts...have a look

http://s460753806.initial-website.co.uk/

Bloody hell look at the time ... I'm off 

Back to normal space time continuum bashing houses etc

The Samsung space time continuum abnormality seems to  have self healed after an one off alarm at 00.03 Thursday- the time rift that had infected my phone disappeared, alarms now go off when wanted, or rather when not wanted- I forgot to switch it off over the weekend resulting in much grumpiness on Sunday morning,but it was a novel surprise to wake up today and realize it wasn't Tuesday - I have a theory that Samsung have been monitoring my posts and don't want their secret out that they don't do Mondays, thus sent instructions via magic rays from space  to my phone convincing  it that Monday is actually Tuesday -will be interesting to see if I wake up thinking Thursday is Friday?

The view from the edge of the Shed is back to its normal self the children have mainly been listening to this on the school run

I explained to the 8 year old about The Clash  and this album being iconic to a generation, after he grasped my explanation of iconic I showed him the album cover  (iconic in its self)  he asked "Why on earth is he smashing up his guitar"  Tricky one to explain,- hes lost in the passion of the music; caught up in the energy;frustrated,anger,making a statement,trying to work out how to use a Samsung phone were all things that crossed my mind, but I had to be careful not to condone it was OK to display so much  enthusiasm and passion about something that you smashed it up -the last thing I wanted was a real life funeral prior blazing in his bedroom for "Jedi Bob" and his X wing that didn't make it back- Super Bloody Nanny never had to explain this one -in the end I copped out and said it was a bit like an "act" but he should never do it during Tuesdays guitar lesson -or any lesson for that matter unless he was old enough to buy his own guitars.

House bashing has been plodding on, I've repaired the bathroom walls well enough to allow a "hardwall" render to be applied prior to plastering I also managed to install a 6" liner and keeper plate to allow a wood burner to be installed next to the free standing bath -keeping me going have been thoughts of day long soaks in the bath sampling bottles of red gently warmed next to the pot bellied stove,in reality  a combination of instant "espresso" coffee, night nurse and other hallucinogenic decongestants have kept me going , as mucus "bilesnot" and old plaster dust seems to have blocked most orifices  normally used for breathing,the end is in sight though,just a bit of studwork to go and the plasterers etc can come in an do thier stuff

I've also been offered some paid work for a few months- which might allow the luxury of a plumber- this would cheer me up no end as I am the grumpiest plumber in the world -the down side will  be having to wash shave, put clean clothes on and talk to people on a daily basis

On a more cheerful note I picked up a manual gearbox and a spare engine for the Rover P6 and it looks like the P6 will be with me in the next 10 days or so

Not the  Rover engine BWM intended to be in a Discovery

The weekend just gone involved catching up with some old friends

My normal pose on a small cold narrow gauge railway

My normal pose at Uncle Slimeys house

Daddy duties have included "Bastard Ballet" "Sodding book fair" and "pain in the arse dressing up day"- the theme was "out of this world" I wanted to paint a black hole on the child's T shirt but this was deemed to obtuse so I went for the very  topical "space rock" theme following the  recent incident in Russia 

More Ziggy Stardust than Brian Cox

The Eight year old with next doors Shetland ponies

That's it for this post I'm off to leak snot onto my pillow...

Samsung update

The alarm went off this morning imagine my surprise when I realized it was Monday morning and not Tuesday morning!

I set two separate alarm times on the the little fecker  alarm one for 06.30 and alarm two  for 06.40  -alarm two came through for me....so question is now why didn't alarm one go off?

(Before any kind soul suggests I down load and read the manual for the hateful bit of technology  let me point out a few things
- I am a bloke
- I spend a lot of time on my own in the shed and get pleasure out of moaning about annoying technology like mobile phones if I knew how to use it I would make my self more miserable)

What time is it in Samsung world?

Samsung induced madness-

When I grow up I want to live and work in Samsung world as they obviously don't fucking bother getting up on a Monday - take the gloriously annoying  Samsung GT-S3850 phone - OK mine was second hand and free,its also suffered being dropped in the 3 years olds nature poo whilst on a walk in Gruffalo woods-but the alarm clock should still work on the same principles of time and space we have been trying to adhere to for the last couple of thousand years-about the only thing I use the sodding thing for apart from calls- and I try and do those as little as possible- is as an alarm clock.
I set the alarm on a Sunday night to go off on Monday morning - guess what ? it doesn't go off on Monday morning.
I change nothing in the profoundly stupid settings menu and it happily goes of Tuesday morning and every morning after that-even at the right time -until I turn the alarm clock function off at the weekend (in the naive belief we might get a lie in)
 Sunday evening  comes round again, I set the alarm for Monday morning and I sleep in because the fucking thing doesn't go off until Tuesday sodding morning-this has been going on for months.
Sometimes I don't sleep in on a Monday morning because I have laid awake all night in a battle of wills with the hateful little fucker, wishing it to go off (or not go off) at the preset time so I can try and find out why (or why not) it is (or isn't) working !
I have been through every menu, set the date and time,double checked the atomic clock etc etc but its always the same -In Samsung world they dont do Monday mornings -twats

Shetland Lasagne ?

Shetland Update 

Apparently not all the children at the local primary enjoyed the Shedtune Shetland ponies,School admin have reported a 50% swing from cooked dinners to packed lunches this week,including my own little angels -the 5 year princess being most concerned as to the whereabouts of next doors ponies ...hmm

Meat based savory product

Small Horse...from Shetland honest

Fallen at the first....

Snip-its from the shed 

During half term holidays I heard that a couple were looking to get rid of their Shetland ponies- their teenage daughters had become more interested in Vauxhall Corsas Citroen Saxos and un-protected handbrake turns in pub car parks, they were sick of mucking out the little feckers and not even being able to sit on them.
Obviously they wanted the real life "my little ponies" complete with  poo and vets bills to go somewhere nice where they would be appreciated- such as a school or "petting farm" -(I am very uneasy with that term) or a caring family with a field and cash to burn - I saw it as an ideal opportunity  for the recently set up Shedtune side line company "Red Rum  Euro imports LTD " to test its supply chain - I can report that everything worked very well and at least 200 pupils at the local primary school really enjoyed the ponies- I am also hoping they like the "Goldfish" that  tried my patience for the last time over the weekend.

Small Horse

Gobby Fish

Bollocks and other stuff..

Bollocks...

All I wanted to do was convert some old home VHS tapes to digital format -no problem an Ebay search revealed plenty of cheap pirated imported gadgets that would do the job for me all I had to do once the device turned up  was to work out the instructions, here is an exert from "leewingnots" industries limited PLC  instruction manual for the bag of wires and stuff I had bought from him...
"Connecting the Video001 Wirless Camera Receiver when you use it by TV,Monitor,or LCD Monitor.

You must connect the Power Adapter to Wirless Camera Receiver when you use it by TV,Monitor,or LCD Monitor"- Personally  I had no fucking idea of which "Wirless Camera Receiver  the instructions were referring to as I hadn't purchased one from Mr Leewingnot  and I wasn't standing next to the TV,Monitor,or LCD Monitor for that matter , I was actually  sitting at my desk looking at a £12.50 VHS player and a box of cables -but I needn't have worried about my lack of power adapter whilst standing next to a LCD monitor without a non-whirring camera receiver as the next instruction read- 
"But no need this when you connect it to com-puter. And you can use Remote Controller to set any function (You can tind the instruction for using remote controller in the bottom of this guide)."

As a guide I was feeling it was a bottom, put the kettle on and contemplated picking the children up-one of them was due at the the "Ballet Brethren"  for more "pink tu-tu indoctrination" and the youngest would be expecting to sprint through Tescos  shouting "donuts" like some deranged miniature Homer Simpson not wishing to disappointing or induce a visit from social services off I went on my Daddy Duties.
-As an aside I fell over in Tescos the other day -on my own doing something I regularly bollock the 8 year old for - scooting on the trolley I lent too hard on the handle and didn't get my weight over the front wheels resulting in a 20 yard wheelie- the only winner was going to be gravity and physics- the result was me landing on my knees and face almost simultaneously as my arms were still outstretched hands clinging onto the trolley handle - I felt a right twat as one of the "beige slip on Velcro shoe  brigade"-undoubtedly with Nissan Micra parked outside -asked if I was "all right"


Using old fashioned "blagging" I managed to convert  the VHS tapes into digital format -they are now residing on my hard drive awaiting editing

Other stuff

It has been a week of extended Daddy Duties due to "half term" - oh deep joy,so house bashing has been non-existent -apart from some remedial repairs being carried out to the "new roof" which now seemed to have stopped it leaking-these repairs being carried out by the original contractor but only after I quoted the supply of goods act to them, the only annoyance being the scaffolder they used brought  his dog with him- letting it roam around the garden without me knowing-needless to say he wasn't the sort of character to carry a supply of little bags in the cab next to the supply of "Razzle" and "Nuts" to collected dog eggs -this prompted me to think about taking a shit on his passenger seat whilst he wasn't looking to make up for the one his dog left me with,but self preservation got the better of me.

 

The shed got christened the other day- Homer and his boys visited for a few days.

Shedtune at its best

High Rollin with "Billy Bob"

"Billy Bob"

Unfortunately on the way back from "six children two adults, one bowling alley and a Mc Donald's excursion   a pipe blew off his "intercooler thingy" on his modern foreign tosh German escort 

So it was the first car to be jacked up and tinkered with the in the new shed - a hasty wired up bodge made the car use-able again but with a 340 mile trip home looming we thought it wise to track down a replacement part - believe it or not a reasonably priced part was supplied by VW and would be waiting for us at the local dealer the next morning,10 mins to fit all sorted- the job made so much easier having somewhere clean well lit and comfortable to work- I cant wait to get the shed properly finished and stuck into my Rover P6 project 

Pants Friday,and modern tosh

Pants Friday started with a 07.00am phone call from my Wife explaining the  BMW had broken down on the M5 -lost all power, "missfiring like bugery"
RAC dispatched she was recovered to a Tescos car park just off Junction  20 ,where I met here (once  I had dropped the kids at school,nursery etc ) she took the Landy and carried  on to London for her meeting, leaving me with a car more complex than an apollo mission and looking out for the local recovery truck,it turned up in due course - I had a feeling it might bean interesting next few hours when the 20 stone plus driver jumped out of his cab sweating and exclaiming his pants had just split, he conceded  he best keep his high viz jacket on to prevent  the blue badge holders seeing his bollocks whilst winching the beamer onto the flat bed-suddenly I didn't fancy sharing a cab with him and his unbound testicles for the 20 mile or so trip back

To block out mental pictures of chaffed orbs, I phoned ahead to the garage that had sorted out the Land Rover tire repair-I knew they had "modern tosh" diagnostic stuff and arranged for them to try and find the fault ,on alighting the truck the air was once again  filled  with the sound of cheap nylon mix being stretched beyond its design limits and an exclamations of how "chilly it was in the  quantock region today" , followed up by further exclamations of "bastard and bollocks" when the driver tried to operated the sliding flat bed-the hydraulics had packed up on the "recovery" truck- hydraulic power pack was then given a mandatory  3 count with a lump hammer to "see if it was sticking" fearing the ever extending arc of the lump hammers back swing coming into contact with the car, I suggested reversing the stricken flat bad up to the inspection ramps in the garage, and pushing  the car off onto them,.after a bit of sweaty truck reversing all was in position and the car was finally off the flat bed without anymore undue exposure to sweaty testicles and wild lump hammers

 Relieved  I left the car with the garage instructing them I was in no rush for it back as ironically we were picking up an Audi A3 that evening that was going to serve as a more suitable runaround than a borrowed BMW 5 series.

Following on from the above it was full week of Daddy duty- including the dreaded after school  "Bloody Ballet" ,once the "Little Dancing Princess" had been dropped off at the pink tutu infested "School of Dance" the boys and I had 45 valuable minutes to waste -rather than sit in the "Parents" room of the dance school (avoiding eye contact with the "Range Rover Sport" brigade of mothers) we headed to our normal haunt of Tescos, the mad 3 year old now associates "Ballet" with "Donuts" when I confirmed to him we could have "donuts for pudding" he broke free of my grip and sprinted through the entrance of the supermarket heading for the preset (in his head) destination of the bakery aisle, punching the air with delight and shouting "Donuts" at the top of his voice - slacked jawed trolley mafia looked on in bemusement at such an open expression of simple happiness-meanwhile the 8 year old nonchalantly looked on and commented "I used to be like that about donuts but I am so over them now"

House bashing has been slow this week due to the full schedule of duties including after school gymnastics,chess club and a parent evening for the 5 year old.
I also had an interview for a paying job- god knows how we will work that one in if I get offered it?

I tried contacting the Cumbrian Shed Monkey for an update on the Rover P6,after leaving a voice message I received this text-
"Sorry mate currently at Scouts doing fucking map reading on Irton Pike"
 - think I prefer "Bloody Ballet" than spending a dark cold damp evening up a Cumbrian mountain trying to map read with the little sods.

I will have more proper interesting shed activity to report on next week.