23:26hrs some time to be bloody grumpy at last....

The reasons behind my lack of posts is due mainly to not having enough sodding time - 

Today  I find myself at 23:26 on a Sunday evening with a bit of "spare time" normally I would be in the shed... the last 3 or 4 evenings Ive been in there until at least 1 am I blame Glastonbury Festival- we have inset days on the Friday and the Monday -I guess the teachers like to go and join in  rolling around in mud and waking up in strange tents...thus I have the pleasure of Daddy Duty -trouble is I don't have to get up for the school run so Ive slipped into semi night-shift mode ...so have the kids but they don't seem to care.
Daddy duties this week have included painting the landing sodding window whilst suspended by a sky hook and sanding 130 years of stain,varnish ,evo stick and bastard floor tiles that some twat in the 60s thought would look great stuck to the floor

Bastard Floor

  Now I am sure you have all heard of "I fucking Love Science " on the "Facetwit" pages -where we all pretend we understand whats going on and that we all actually enjoyed Science at School -we all had that "crazy teacher who set fire to the lab" -well my school was shite I didn't have that teacher and I learnt all my science when I left school -but I do like science- what I dont like is D.I.Y so I thought I would start up a new Facetwit page called "I fucking Hate D.I.Y" ....I might expand it to "I fucking Hate Most Things"

 

What could go wrong?

I would certainly include Windows 8 in the "most things" section the hateful thing wasted 1.5 hrs of my life the other day - trying to get the scanner to work via black magic so I could "email" an important document that could only be accepted by "e sodding mail" ..I use to survive without emails  and scanners,the only scan I was familiar with was the one you needed on your testicles after a vicious 2nd row had got hold of you ..
The view from the shed hasn't missed noticing there has been a "World Cup" ...world cup my arse,oh and some Cricket ..sort of.... here were my thoughts on that little lot..

"Good to see England football team adopt an new approach to the 2014 World Cup competition rather than go out “on penalties”- as has been the choice of previous teams this youthful squad brought in some fresh ideas namely the “losing all matches as quickly as possible” approach
“Our new strategy worked very well” said manager Hoy Rogerson” We worked hard on the training ground thinking up new ways of cocking it up” he added “It was one of the new boys who suggested the “school boy gift” set piece and it was great to see that come off tonight”
Captain Heavin Sterard gave his thoughts post match “It was all going so well until we equalised, I’m not sure what Slooney was thinking when he put the ball in their net ...He was meant to have been sent off in the first ten minutes for throwing his handbag at the officials… he’s getting on bit and was never the sharpest tool in the box …after that we had to dig deep and forget to mark their best player..It worked really well and we came away looking like a Sunday morning pub side..It’s a great feeling - now we don’t have to risk winning a penalty shoot out by mistake”

Not to be outdone the Cricketers joined in -

England's Cricket Team have been a bit over shadowed by the glorious defeats of the Football team but have come back strongly by pulling off one of the greatest defeat snatches from the jaws of victory in their recent good run of defeats captain Cook saying " We tried desperately to loose the first test but didn't quite pull if off ending up with the draw" he added "the team spirit was low after that and made worse by the Football team doing better than us at cocking it up,so today's plan was to let the Sri lanka captain score as many runs as he wanted- we even got the umpires on his side which was a nice touch,we have got ourselves in great position at 57-5,I am hopeful of a crushing defeat by midday tomorrow ..well I hope so,so I can get well pissed on cheap lager watching the football team loose 6-0 ...as for my captaincy I feel you would be hard pushed to find anyone that can cock things up better at the moment ...well apart from that Gerrard bloke "

Im writing this listening to the radio ...Ive burnt the TV as its full of shite - Ive replaced it with a "Lava Lamp" the kids havent noticed the difference-

All though it was a mission trying to turn the radio on without the sodding remote control-lost or tidied up fuck knows where it is-  a simple "on" fucking "off" switch would have done rather than having to use "mind force" on the "touch" pad to turn it on and tune it into anything that wasn't welsh folk music or the shipping forecast

Progress

Shed activity has been good - got the car running again ...then took it to bits again...I will update the other blog with more details ..when I get some time?

A core plug started to leak on the back of R/H cylinder head rather than botch it and have it loosing all its coolant up the Alps in September I decided to do the job correctly and take the heads off to get at the core plugs..anyway "I fucking Love my Shed" and I like these sort of jobs

I also really like this picture ..just sums up a golden  F1 era  for me ..

Its now 00:49 so a "reasonable" time to go to bed..

 The grumpy bastard from North of the Border has been writing to me again.....

So, sir, you need a new wiper linkage for your Audi? Well that'll be £300 as it includes the motor, sir. But I don't need a motor, as mine is fine and healthy, so I'll just have the linkage, thank you. But no, let's not be stupid here. We live in a world of finite resources, and we are all doing our bit to save the planet. Except Audi, and M-B, and BMW, and all the other 'premium' car makers I'd guess. What a shame. But an all too common scenario down at the parts counter at Audi.
This of course means that some breaker will get my business, though they get to charge extortionate prices for old bits of scrap as they know full well the old story with Audi.
For now I've dismantled part of the old seized linkage so that the driver's side wiper still functions fine. Its often better if my passengers haven't got a clue about what's ahead.......
Lastly, why, I am sure we all wonder, would Audi manufacture a part like a wiper linkage where there is aluminium on steel contact? Built-in self-destruction perhaps??
I fear that he Audi and Disco are both heading towards their demises. Starter motors, coolant pumps, fuel filter housings, batteries, track rod ends; the list goes on and on and on, and that just for this year. Just remembered that I needed to get a new bulb for the number plate light at the rear of the Audi. So, how much do you think???? Well, housing was deemed to be so rusted that it cost me £100 for a bulb. Deeply joyful.

Meanwhile, the rumblings about independence continue. Lies, lies, more lies, and simply crap. From both sides I fear. But I would say the feeling here is that the race is very close. God help us if the selfish idiot Salmond does win. Lately JK Rowling has donated £1 million to the Unionist cause, which at least may encourage some of the children who will get the vote to think again.
There's been a fair amount of shit around this last week. I got my two-yearly bowel cancer test kit courtesy of the Scottish devolved parliament. Its a bit of a faff, though the mood is lightened by the fact that every time the instructions mention a 'motion', it is translated into the Scots vernacular as 'poo'. Essentially, open your samples card, and provide two pea-sized samples of poo from 3 poos over a 10 day period, and send to a man at Holyrood........ Actually,  what you are given is a card with 6 windows, and 6 lollipop sticks. So, you poo, you DO NOT LET THE POO TOUCH THE WATER, you take your pea-sized poo plops, and smear them on the windows. Then close the window (a bit like the reverse of the advent calendar, but smellier and messier, and potentially a health-risk in and of itself (the card will be hanging around your home for several days. (careful if you own a brown labrador as we all know what appetites they have!). Your two samples from each poo have to come from different parts of your motion, though I'm not altogether sure that the government will know if you've cheated, but then again, Salmond and Sturgeon are experts when it comes to shite... So, all you have to do is work out a method of motion-control that stops the turd taking a bath. Those French toilets where you have what I always think of as an 'inspection ledge' would be ideal, but alas, they are all too rare in Scotland. I got myself into the spirit of things by addressing the root-invaded blocked drain that leads away from my bathroom, but not nearly far enough away. A friend's high pressure petrol driven pump takes an hour to start and then tends  to run for 3 minutes. Missing lots of finger skin from the pull cord, and rather hoarse from all the shouting, but some of the blockage has been sent packing. More effort needed..........

Lastly, my garden has been taken over by honeysuckle; the insidious, low, creeping, bastard variety . If anyone has good ideas about how to eradicate it, I will pay handsomely..

Sods and Sods Law...

SOD IT ...
I had  to strim the tall grass growing along the edge of the road outside the fading Georgian squat  – mainly  so I could see the speeding boy racers coming through the village at 80mph-  the restored line of sight  allows me to time my pulling out on the slack jawed chav twats to perfection it causes  them to brake wildly for fear of dinging the front of their stupid little French cars that have been  decorated with cheap imported fake chrome dust caps, wheel trims, pink steering wheel covers, and lowered to within an inch of the tarmac -sods law, I had just finished when the council grass cutting tractor turned up and  cut the verge though the whole village....bugger

CHAV CAR

COUNCILS LATEST TRACTOR