VIEW FROM THE EDGE........OF THE SHED

10CR sheds and all that -Part 4 and a bit -the very last bit

2011-11-23T11:58:00.001-08:00

Plenty of beers started to flow following the arrival of the Trumpet and Drum band -what a laugh ,I was very good and only had a two beers to keep a clear bowel for the next day ,this was following Homers complaints after the Italian full fat pizza (I'm a ceoliac hence no wheat etc otherwise things can get a bit runny and smelly )

Homer got tucked into the beers and took great pleasure in going to the ladies toilets thinking Dames meant gents-knob head ,his impressive one arm sun burn was also providing the busy bar with lots of entertainment

Come the morning a car park fettle session was called for several PI cars needed tweaking one stalwart Club Triumph member and Lucas PI expert confessed to being "still too full of last nights piss" to carry out delicate metering unit adjustments and handed the tweaking stick to his crew mate

Our car was doing OK just the exhaust blow to add to the noisy idler gears and clunky diff pinion bearing (which was present when we set off but got no worse on the run)
Today's route was mainly motorway or should I say traffic jams -several times we got bored and took the next exit just so we could keep moving in the right sort of direction -found some quite nice roads but got well behind schedule ,not helped by a touch of "Belgium Panic" IE running out of fuel and no sodding fuel stations on the motorway - pissed about trying to find fuel -bloody annoying as we were within sniffing distance of Rouldac food and beer- I am definitely going to invent a bigger fuel tank for the spitfire,having money to pay for fuel is a good idea as well as my account had been blocked since leather clad fanatic land.
Rouldac was found in the pissing rain with fuck all help from the route book instructions- which completely missed a motorway intersection ,lucky Homer was expecting such things and we started to recognize where were were from the previous run in 2009
Had a great night- I stuck to the red wine to prevent any mishaps on the way to the ferry the next day.
The last blast back to Calais is the worst part of the run as to fail now would be a nightmare but made it we did the exhaust blow getting quite bad but not as blowy as the channel crossing 5 hours on the boat,least I managed to get some kip which set me in good stead for the final drive from Dover to Somerset

Mission accomplished! roll on the next one

10cr the shed and all that PART 4 the last bit

2011-11-21T15:10:00.001-08:00

We stopped for a lunch break in a lay on route back to the Motorway the weather was brilliant the car running fine all was good with the world until we got onto the Motorway section -traffic- lots of- we were get very hot and sweaty and gone through most of our drinking water supply (think we did about 4 liters just in that jam!) so we pulled off into the rammed services and watch fat Germans que for the toilets from the shade of a tree whilst waiting for the traffic to die down ,we were wondering where in Germany we were meant to be staying that night as the details had been left back in Blighty- we had the town name but it didn't mach anything in the Atlas.
Homer being Homer had struck up a conversation with a German lady with an overheating dog which he proceeded to give the remainder of my drinking water to while explaining to the owner that we were stupid Englishmen abroad- on hearing this she translated our spelling of the Hotel location and gave us directions -her parents lived near the town -nice one
The traffic calmed down a bit so we set off thanking our new German friend -all though I secretly hoped the dog pissed itself on her back seat after drinking all my water
It was about now that I noticed a slight "blow" from the exhaust and some fumes that wasn't Homers arse -but it was a case of its running so keep going which we did (now on a mountain pass) flat out past a sodding dutch camper van into the clutches of an Austrian policeman standing at the end of the straight waiting to fine me 70 euros for speeding -worse thing about it all was the sodding camper van got in front of us.
We got back onto the fast main road then the dual carriageway way intent on not letting the incident ruin a great day, we found the town and Hotel ,managed to hook up to an internet hot spot release some funds into Homers sort of working petrol account! borrow 20 odd euros, got some food and beer in us and meet up with 12 other crews staying at the Hotel which was a great surprise ,then the best bit happened!

10CR the shed blah blah blah part 3 and a bit

2011-11-11T13:36:00.001-08:00

I awoke to glorious Italian sunshine and stunning views life was good as I sat on the balcony smoking a Marlboro red,Homer awoke to cries of "Nurse" as I opened my bowels in the en-suite

We were meant to be at a control at 8.45 am but we we still eating breakfast eventually getting on the road around 9.30 am after stocking up on fruit ,water, peanuts and cigarettes in the village - the idea was to do some hills see where we are at around lunch time then plot a quick route to the next overnight halt in Germany-were didn't have a clue where in Germany - Homer had left the hotel details behind and the only spelling we had of the town we thought we had booked a hotel in didn't line up with any of the spellings on the page in the atlas... never mind it would all work out

The car fired up first time and everything checked out OK so we set off into some stunning countryside and roads, really really great roads, we had a great laugh,in fact were were enjoying it so much we carried on east a bit to much taking in another steep climb before realising were were off route and should be heading towards the motorway and a town called Vipiteno where we aimed to catch up with a few other crews who had had a lay in that morning

Homers Arse crack in the

Dolomite's

10cr Sheds and all that PART THREE-

2011-11-09T15:00:00.000-08:00

We spent the rest of the day tagging along with the Stag providing amusement for Sarah and Andy as I tried to get the Spitfire on 3 wheels Homer holding on for dear life ,I was loving the handling really pleased I rebuilt the suspension using the best bits I could afford -these cars are so much fun on a hairpin ,keep the engine revving and a standard 1500 does bloody well with two fat bastards and a boot full of spares to drag along,I had to keep telling myself to stop leathering the car so much as this year I had to make it last another day!
We decided to cut Stelvio with the aim of getting to Hotels before darkness and give ourselves a chance of enjoying the location and some relaxation,plus the fact Homer had left the directions to the hotel behind- all we had was a village name and the name of the Hotel,we found the village OK -it was on the side of a hill and consisted of very narrow cobbled streets almost medieval in feel and typical Italian Dolomites ,I parked up the car and left Homer with his "Smart"phone trying to find the Hotel on Google earth or something -I don't know why they call them smart phones as he was calling his fucking stupid - I found the Hotel using the old method of walking and looking,it was at the bottom of the sodding steep hill and I had to walk back up the sodding steep hill with only one knee working the other had adopted the "spitfire" position ealier on in the day and I was walking like someone from Leather Clad Fanatic Land
Hotel found, car tucked up in its personal space,room with a veranda overlooking the hills, pizza in tummy's and beer in guts we were well happy -Homer even got a cash machine to work!

A COW

A STAG

BORDER CROSSING BREW UP

OUT OF LEATHER CLAD FANATIC LAND -at bloody last ,bloody Swiss anal bastards,get some proper fuel stations Christ why do you want everything out of a sodding automatic machine... rant rant rant

10CR shed and all that -PART TWO

2011-11-04T14:07:00.000-07:00

So on a wing and a pray we set off on for Dover -the plan was to cross the channel a day early and join the event at the European start venue,this I reckoned gave us a fighting chance to sort any problems early doors and not have to play catch up, the car ran fine just the diff clonk and noisy idlers in the gearbox worrying me as we sat for 2 hours at Sveenorde services waiting for 70 odd other Triumphs to turn up

Dodgy geaser awaiting other dodgy geasers

I checked the car over and noted that the engine that had been laid up for 13 years had now started to find its oil leaks again nothing serious apart from a substantial weep from the back of the head which looked to point at an iffy head gasket,hey ho not to worry as we buggered off down the road as the first Triumph and committee member rolled in and signed our "route book" as far as we were concerned that was that 2,500miles and 20 alpine passes waited to try and halt the little cars progress, as it turned out the car wasn't bothered it was Swiss automatic fuel machines that posed more of a threat to progress than steep inclines...twats
Here are some brief jottings and I made on route -
Charleville-Meziere -stopped for fuel cash and Homers first MacDonald s,car appears to be fine clonking along used no oil to mention leak at back of head no worse doing around 40 mpg
Picked up Belgium and Luxembourg now sitting in a Swiss services just over the border that boasts a sex shop next to the forecourt!? must be for the pissed Mullet heads that rolled into the coffee shop as we were leaving to get some kip in the non-reclining cheap as chips ebay seats fitted to the spitfire last week Christ was that only a week ago at least's it better than the "official halt" a deserted car park next to a airport with only a hedge to piss in,for someone who cant sleep Homer is doing a good impression of a snoring bastard
03.00 about to head off feeling good got a good few hours kip well ahead of schedule

Listen to the diff clonk!

Not a pot to piss in at this halt so on to Leather Clad Fanatic Land (Switzerland)

Bastard automatic petrol pump just ate 20 euros Homers card wont work,used up fuel in jerry can pressing
(Homer had the only chip and pin card between us I had shifted my subs into his account the night before via internet banking leaving us with only my dodgy old cash card)
St Gotthard pass 1/4 tank of fuel left and no cash and not another crew in sight at the control -we are still a couple of hours ahead of the main pack,priority now to find cash/fuel on route to San Bernardino

Diff still clonking,throttle sticks as well

More clonking,but its getting no worse

-With our last 10 euros burning a hole in Homers pocket we peeled off into a town only to find automatic fuel pumps not trusting them after the 20 euro incident we moved on, Homers bowels had now given in to the MacDonald s and needed to open quickly! pure luck a service station for the motorway had an pedestrian access from the minor road we were on -pulling up Homer was able to lighten the load and I was able to fill the jerry can,we tried phoning his bank -we guessed his card had been stopped as he didn't mention we were travelling through Switzerland -no answer as they were not open yet (we were an hour ahead)
With the tank topped up using the gerry can we carried on and luck led us to a village with a cash machine that gave me 50 Swiss francs! now to find fuel- asking in the local shop they pointed us to the next village,and guess what it was an automated machine -luckily we got this one right and it filled the tank and jerry can feeling elated but sure we were now the last car on the road, we didn't bother stopping or even looking for the San Bernardino control and just drove straight to the summit parking up to get a phone signal so we could sort the cash flow!
I was enjoying the view when I heard a lovely roar of several Triumph 6 pots coming up the hill along with a few V8s chasing a local Jag E type so we weren't last on the road
Bank sorted we tagged on behind the Johnson's Stag following their stat nav , Homer put the maps away ...

Look Closely at smoking brakes..I had pulled in as indicator repeater lamp stopped working and I wanted to check indicators were working.. greeted by burning smell I thought the wiring was on fire until I lifted the bonnet!

I also sorted a faulty fuse cap whilst letting brakes cool-below trying to get it on three wheels ...which I did on the next corner! oh what fum

10CR shed and all that -PART ONE

2011-11-03T16:50:00.000-07:00

I really couldnt be arsed to write about the Spitfire and the 10CR when I got back from the run as the lead up to it had been so intense I just had to park the thing up in the Shed and get back to normality for a while! so now is the time to recall the story of the Spitfire,sheds 10cr and all that .......

Let me begin, back in April a man was out walking his dog and spotted a 1978 Spitfire 1500 in a shed ,he then told another man who likes sheds ......that man then went mad and decided to get the shed out of the shed it had been in for 13 years and get it ready to drive 2,500 miles round Europe he had very little time and very little money and only one leg that worked properly ...but he did it and the car made it too this is his story..

That first inspection of the Spitfire really didn't reveal any surprises it was a typical car that had had a checkered past,having been tarted up on the outside bits you could see during the classic car "boom" and botched on the underneath bits you couldn't see so ,but I decided I wasn't going to get much better for the price (the bonnet,front wings and boot lid were mint and worth the asking price on their own) my plan was to botch over the botches on the floor and body tub and restore /refurbish replace the mechanical s with decent second hand parts - I sort of stuck to that plan but underestimated the botches I was prepared to put up with,there were three levels of welding/ repairs that I found
1-bloody shite-this included metal from washing machines undersealed into place ,
2-shite-this inclued patches blobed into place using a welder of sorts to hold the seat belt mounts in etc
3- OK -This included outer sills gas welded on and the repairs to replacement bonnet wings etc

So I set about cutting out the bloody shite,and shite -putting in new inner sills , strengtheners and "A" post bottoms , fabricating the rest of the repair panels my self ,this all took time which I didn't have
- I was on 12 hour shifts with a 1 hour trip each way to work- getting about 4 or 5 hrs sleep an night I had forgotten what my family looked like , in among the Spitfire repairs I rewired the fist and second floor lighting circuits as well as pressing on with other house restoration work,my dodgy knee was also getting worse- a resultant consultation with the medical professionals diagnosed a knee replacement was needed due to the damage that had been done 15 years earlier playing rugby -this was a job I couldn't do myself in the shed so kept taking the pain killers and limped a lot pretending it was fine -setting a date for the procedure post 10cr

With a month to go before the 8th of September event start the welder was finally put away and the really late nights started -2am was normal bed time -here is a list of the major bits done.
Home made dash installed -the old one was disintegrating
Re-wire,installing relays and moving fuse box to inside car
Front suspension stripped and re-bushed (SuperFlex)- every sodding nut nut and bolt was shagged and just added to the time taken column constantly pushing back the planned MOT date
Front uprights turned out to be beyond repair so were replaced after several attempts of locating decent second hand units
Trunions replaced
New N/S stub axle fitted
New front wheel bearings fitted
New rad fitted with twin electric fans
New water pump
Master cylinders replaced
New rear slaves fitted
Brake lines replaced with new
Discs and calipers replaced - the N.O.S discs cost £2.99 off ebay no one wanted them as they had a bit of surface rust and the new new calipers came with the car they were in the boot
N.O.S clutch plate kit located and fitted
Rear spring + drive shafts replaced with good second hand units
New uprated rear dampers
Good second hand uprated front dampers and springs
Rear bushes replaced
Dizzy replaced with good second hand unit
Electronic ignition fitted
Original carbs binned -jet bush sized etc etc so a set from a Triumph 2000 I had on the shed shelf were refurbished on the bench and homade linkage and air filters added

It seemed every single job hit a snag ,even the wheels that came with the car didn't fit-including the steering wheel that was home made by some Muppet with a death wish -they had used 3 self tappers to hold the rim to the boss. I couldn't give up, I wouldn't, I was sick of unfinished projects I was in deep.
I fired the engine for the first time, it ran sweet my luck had changed-on hearing it run I had an instant gut feeling that the car was going to make it round even though the water pump leaked on that first fire up I somehow knew it wasn't going to let me down.
MOT was achieved on the 23rd of August ,still with plenty of snagging left to do from the rebuild/refurb work,the serious stuff of "preparation" started any old car of any condition needs this prior to a hardcore European long distance event
Homer came down a few days before to our planned departure to help out and in his normal way settled my nerves and did some of the pain in the ARSE jobs -like raiding a wiper motor from a 2000 and making it work on the spitfire (the original unit making a bad grinding noise and becoming very slow on the run back from the MOT)
My biggest concern was the diff I had only managed to do around 200 test miles and the clunking from it didn't inspire confidence I guessed it was the front pinion bearing but with one day to go had no chance of replacing it so it would have to be wing and prayer

(Have a look at the previous posts for pictures of the above "works")

Notes from the trip itself to follow in part two!

Some more of the recent shedstoration...

2011-09-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

Home made bits

Life in the shed was a bit grim at times

Will it ever run two weeks to get it ready

At last new bits working

operation shedfire nears semi completion....found these pictures on the camera I forgot to take on the 10CR (that's why homer had to draw a picture of us up a mountain to prove to Ellis we were there!)

ohhh its been a while

2011-09-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

BACK BY UN-POPULAR DEMAND SHEDTUNE BLOG

"More shed to take the piss out of"

Sorry been a long time since I blogged so here are a few key points
Moved House
House falling down
Hose mending -roof done
Bought cheap garage find spitfire in may -hadn't moved for 13 years,stupidly committed to entering in on 2011 10cr made it with minutes to spare, here are some pics

HOMER

Shed box

2010-02-01T15:08:00.001-08:00

As someone on the Club Triumph has just made me go outside in the cold when I should be going to bed-here is my “cold air intake shed up”

Holes cut in nose cone –home made baffle directs air towards back of head lights-you can just see the shiny ally

blanking plate with duct- on the end of that duct is a foam filter –cant afford any of this fancy K+N stuff!

Modified GT6? air box not sure as I found it whilst in shed-
I welded the round can like bit onto the end of it -
Air box joins to duct,see pic below
lid removed from box to show calver tuning stub stacks –this old Knocker of an engine knocks out about 135 bhp

Vorsprung durch Shednik

2010-02-01T14:31:00.001-08:00

Its been a while since my last update Christmas has been and gone along with our annual “Arctic blast” which even though comes once a year always seems to reduce the country to a standstill-Unfortunate for a mate who was over from Oz visiting, he had planned to indulge himself by hiring a Ferrari for part of his 4 week UK trip –the hire company were very reluctant to let the car go with the weather as it was -the excess was over £5k so he rolled up at shedtune HQ in a base model VW Polo-oh how I laughed,all was not lost the weather eased and the hire company let their brand new convertible Jag loose on him -just in time to get snowed in North of the border somewhere in Scotland-oh how I chuckled again

On the Shed front I am very glad to announce a new member to the fold,Homer a life long interloper of other peoples sheds and downstairs toilets , finally bought a house with an garage come shed large enough to stash 4 wheeled lost causes and old Tupperware boxes full of useful stuff -an area we in shedtune world would describe as a..Technical Investigation Time Space –or T.I.T space for short,being a bit of a tit himself he needs this space, as you can see he has set about getting it up to standard,we await photos of his cobbled up VR6 hybrid

Whist on the subject of top class German engineering the normally reliable 1996 Audi S6 Avant of mine decided not to turn over and get me home from work on Christmas eve ,an argument with the R.A.C resulted not in a breakdown truck but me borrowing a car to get the 50 miles home and pick a Turkey up on route (It was all ready dead and plucked like the Audi)

Roll on the Tuesday after Christmas in a freezing works car park putting a shortened serp belt on to by pass the seized solid air con compressor –who needs air con in winter anyway

Next on the list of jobs to do on the Audi was replace the dodgy radiator which was costing me nearly as much in Antifreeze for the weekly commute as fuel,with the help of some work mates I sourced an excellent supplier http://www.aaronradiator.co.uk/ £82 all in delivered the Audi didn't stand a chance an was soon in bits in front of the shed while the Stag looked on

As you can see there is a few other bits and coolers to get out the way first, to allow you to swap the rad out,but considering I didn't have a manual and don't like working on modern cars –not enough metric tools!-it didn't go too bad –I also discovered Mole Valley farmers did the cheapest Anti freeze

So with that lot out the way I finally got going on the Stag, only for my decent welder to break ,so limping along with my cheap mini mig this is where we are

N/S floor replacement nearly complete and the loan of spot welder promised for next weekend to get the outer sill on –you never know we might have it ready for the RBR?

A new Vice- High class shed porn

2009-11-17T08:00:00.001-08:00

This month I have been mainly ill – in-between passing stools like a veal calf for the last couple of weeks I spotted an advert in the local paper for “Engineers Vice for sale” said vice turned out to be a beauty No 1 in size with those lovely words cast on its body “Made in England” £20 later it was in the boot of the car and I was in the shed re-cycling old pallets into a “New” bench hefty enough to take the beast – see pictures!

When I'm feeling a bit better work will recommence on the Slag with insertion of new floors as these might come in useful for the 2010 RBR I have entered the car for !

will this work?

2009-10-13T15:53:00.001-07:00

Smoke me a kipper I will be back for breakfast”..10 CR and all that

Well it's been a long time since I've updated the blog most of that time was used up being Daddy to new baby No3 and getting the Taxi ready for the 10CR as well as starting a new job

The list of jobs getting the car ready went something like this-

Replace the diff oil seals –I pinched the stag diff (3.7:1) Not only to drop the ratios for the 10CR hills but to make life difficult for myself as a stud for the rear mount plate stripped, ah I thought no bother I will use the casing from the 3.45 unit I've just taken off the car-nope the casing is a different shape! Bollocks off down to Tipton Garage for the heli-coil treatment

I fitted the stag brakes –I got the discs skimmed prior to fitting and rebuilt the callipers and of course fitted new bearings

Original Mk 1 skinny "I've just had a moment" disc and Skimmed Stag disc/ calliper being fitted

Next job on the list was a carb re-build and rolling road session-It ran so much sweeter with new jets, spindles, throttle butterflies etc I set it up by ear then took it down to the rolling road where we soon discovered the foam air filters I had put on over the Calver tuning stub stacks where getting sucked into the carbs and cutting the power off at the top end –watch the dials in the vid clip RR017 the power drops off a cliff before the throttle is lifted that's the moment the filter gets sucked into the carb!

So with the filters removed and some richer needles fitted the old £50 second hand lump was knocking out 130 bhp, the only trouble being no air filters! Ho hum time to shed up another air box/cold air intake idea, which resulted in three holes cut into the front nose cone –more of that later as I had an M.O.T to get it through, which it did with reasonable ease, only a few advisories-headlight alignment, wheel bearing, and track rod ends all those jobs where sorted –the wheel bearing was brand new and I should have nipped it up a bit more when fitting

All this tinkering had to be done outside as the Slag had spread its self all over the garage floor-I found a £9.99 B+Q gazebo provided the best protection from the glorious British Summer we were having

(The best thing about this summer was we stuffed the Aussies at the cricket)

Anyway due to lots of grown up stuff getting in the way I didn't really get the chance to give the car a good 200 mile or so test run my fiendish idea of a "Breakfast Club" meet didn't happen due to lack of time –this is still a something I want to organise so those who were up for it the first time get in touch and we will get something sorted

Before I knew it homer was here and we were packing the car ready for the run the first thing that went wrong was on the Tuesday night on a 10pm run to 24hr Tesco's to get some bread and milk I had forgotten to buy earlier-the oil pressure gauge pipe came loose on the engine block T piece resulting in complete loss of oil and me begging a Tesco's night manager to open up the forecourt shop to sell me some cheap oil to get me home- which he did

We decided to drive to the London Wednesday evening for the Thursday morning start staying the night at the "hotel grot" at South Mimms services

The run went really well for the most part- our biggest problem came through the night on the way to the Condom halt –leaving the Motorway to find the halt tucked away behind a graveyard Ben applied the brakes only to find they were pulling really badly to the driver's side – my thoughts were full of leaking callipers but on investigation we found a leaky oil temperature probe housing had covered the passenger side hub, disc, calliper and wheel with oil

In my tired state I looped out the oil cooler and housing whilst Homer cleaned the disc and replaced the disc pads-what I should have done is simply taken out the temp probe housing as I had a section of pipe to do just that but my head was in a sleepless spin – not having the cooler working caused problems later on the oil pressure dropped off going up the Pyrenees and on the high speed blast to miss the Hotel junction at Beziers the pressure was only around 30 psi

After getting grumpy and kicking the car things improved we got a free upgrade at the hotel to a semi decent room and with a clear head in the morning oil cooler piped back up it improved the pressure –we now had a healthy 50 psi hot above 2,000 rpm, the crank made a few rattles but it was still working

I will write more about the rest of the run in my next post in the mean time have a look at this clip to give you a taste

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XumwjjxB8IU

2009-10-13T14:23:00.000-07:00

testing!

New! Receive and respond to mail from other email accounts from within Hotmail Find out how.

Bill sodding gates

2009-10-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

Just trying to work out how to add pictures to my blog using the microshite word template

“Smoke me a kipper I will be back for breakfast”..10 CR and all that

2009-10-11T14:17:00.001-07:00

Well it's been a long time since I've updated the blog most of that time was used up being Daddy to new baby No3 and getting the Taxi ready for the 10CR as well as starting a new job

The list of jobs getting the car ready went something like this-

I fitted the stag brakes –I got the discs skimmed prior to fitting and rebuilt the callipers and of course fitted new bearings

Mk 1 skinny "I've just had a moment" disc and Stag disc and calliper being fitted

(The best thing about this summer was we stuffed the Aussies at the cricket)

We decided to drive to the London Wednesday evening for the Thursday morning start staying the night at the "hotel grot" at South Mimms services

I will write more about the rest of the run in my next post in the mean time have a look at this clip to give you a taste

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XumwjjxB8IU

I dont belive it!....

2009-07-07T14:40:00.000-07:00

Well after hours and hours of cutting out rusty botches, getting covered in sparks from removing the remnants of old brazed sections-why is it the hottest sparks always land in your ears? -fabricating repair sections etc etc guess what!?.....the inner sill its tacked into position and to top it off the door still bloody fits! -so progress at last

Not quite so scary hole...

2009-07-04T15:58:00.000-07:00

Photos show home made repair box section going in -it was lined up using my "sub frame jig",the welds need a clean up with the grinder and then its seam sealer,primer paint etc inside the box section

The inner sill clamps into position nicely,so next jobs are to clean up the A post area to allow the inner sill to be welded in, then the floors ,outriggers outer sill blah blah etc etc . It might just be ready for 2010 RBR!

Once I get the sill on I will be concentrating my time on preparing the "Taxi" for its 10CR trip

-this week I have mainly been in the shed after about 9.00pm for a couple of hours each evening,I have discovered a new trick if I make a couple of crash bangs in the shed around 9.50pm it sets off a neighbours dog barking for about an hour or so -which then gives me the ideal cover to carry on with noisy jobs!

Scary hole

2009-06-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

Progress has been plodding along in the shed I have moved on from "gunk" flavoured Rizla cigarette papers to a new blend of "tint of Jizer" degreasant following MoleValleys latest reduction in cost on a gallon of the stuff,I feel it gives a more upmarket and rounded taste to the pallet only fitting when you have cars of the class of a Stag in the shed.Tinkering on the 1967 2000 (Known as the "Cairo Taxi") has also got under way in preparation for this years 10CR with the fitting of a working rev counter different steering wheel and replacement of a dodgy overdrive inhibitor switch ,other jobs on the list for the Taxi Replace diff oil seals Fit stag front brakes-After refurbishing calipers,discs and replacing hub bearings Replace carb (HS6) butterfly's and throttle spindles Refurbish brake and clutch master cylinders Fit recliner drivers seat

The discs will live to fight another day just a light skim is needed to get them usable -looking back through the cars history they were replaced in 2000 and done all of 3,000 miles! The calipers gave up their rusty pistons after a two day battle- which I won ,then the sodding boy racer fairy broke into the shed and covered them in "fire red" paint-least he made a good job of it and all I need do is fit the new seal kit and replacement pistons The history file made interesting reading I noted the diff was replaced in 1996 and has only covered 20,000 miles so that will be the one going into the "Taxi" (with new oil seals) this will offset the 14" wheels and give it a bit of help up the steep alpine passes Ellis has planned for us on the 10CR - the higher ratio 2.5 (3.45:1) diff will find its way into the stag to keep the cruising revs down on its RV8 engine coupled to LT77 box

In between those tinkerings I have been setting fire to my overalls and getting on with the welding repairs to the Stag -I note from the cars history- 2003 MOT failure sheet "excess corrosion " N/S rear suspension I wonder if this is when the botcher did his worst and used the paint tin lid for the rear spring locator ..twat!

Anyway you can see some progress below in repairing the body-long way to go yet but I hope to have the repair sections in by the end of the week and the inner sill on,I'm looking forward to my two weeks paternity leave to get the floors in!

This gives me some decent metal to weld the homemade repair sections to

This is the homemade section in position,the sub frame mount strengthener came from a complete inner and outer sill section bought second hand which all though I haven't used for the sills it has given up valuable guidance as to how originals were meant to fit-(original patterns etc had be lost under two and sometimes three layers of botched repairs)- it will also provide sections that can be used for repairing the bottom of the A and B posts if needed

Above homemade repair section for the rear sub frame mount using metal of a suitable thickness as apposed to the previous "repair" covered in my other posts

Repair sections going in

Scary hole exposed !

Jiggy Jiggy ....

2009-06-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

Jiggy Jiggy-Jig made by lining up lengths of straight bar on the assembled sub frame and diff (off the car) welding to form a triangle with holes located to line up with the diff mounts at the rear and the sub frame mounts at the front...oh you know what I mean look at the picture speaks for its self!

This one speaks for its self in fact it shouts - a great shot of what I am up against -these are previous repairs made to the box section-theory not bad but execution bollocks look how skinny the metal is that's been used and they couldn't be arsed even to paint it afterwards let alone cut all the rust out

Above the jig in action helping me locate where the sub frame mount should be

Also can I say Bastard M5 and Bastard billsoddinggatesvista operating system -If it wasn't for those two I might have got more done this week instead of sitting on the M5 then having to waste an evening reformatting my lap top (I had everything backed up this time!)

Believe it or not I am not feeling so grumpy about the Stag

I have conceded that it wont be ready for the 10CR,and it will be a rewarding challenge just to get it back on the road ,grumpy that I let my heart rule my head when I bought it and grumpy that I let it get in the way of sorting the estate but never mind I will get there in the end

I'm looking forward to tinkering with the Taxi getting it ready for the 10cr,Its going to borrow the Stags front brakes for the run

A botch too far...

2009-06-02T01:22:00.001-07:00

The Taxi above will now be the chosen one for Homers and mine third 10 CR in Sept Repairs to N/S box section / sub frame mounts are under way above-The plan (apart from being a slow one! ) is now I am happy with the location of the inner sill fix it in position with a few small welds along with the two cross members that span from sill to center chassis / tunnel -this will allow a fit check of the floor pans and door opening Then finish off the repairs to the box section / sub frame mount which thanks to the mother of all previous botches will be no short job - the O/S needs the same amount of work, so with other commitments pressing I have decided to use the Taxi for the 10cr and do a "propar jarb" on the Stag and it will be ready when its ready! This is the botch I am on about - the lower section of metal was part of the old box section the sub frame is mounted to-look how thin the metal is compared to an original section above-someone has repaired the end 6"of N/S and O/S box section using this paperpissthin metal and the same standard of repair was applied to the ends of now removed inner and outer sills,its left me pissing in the wind a bit as the original pattern for repair sections and dimensions has been lost,so I shall make a jig (to nights job) the same dimensions of the sub frame diff assembly bolt it to the car to help me locate the new sub frame mount and new box section -which I am making using the correct thickness of metal-Roll on 2010 round Britain run -that's when I reckon the car will be finished! Taken from inside the car this is my new repair section to the top of the box section -note new inner sill in background- also note the old rusty failed botched repair has been completely cut out the repair section HASN'T been braised and it is of metal of the correct gauge! something of a new experience for this car!

Progress at last..

2009-05-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

Progress has been slow on the Stag due to other commitments but this week I got to grips with removing the outer and inner sills-constantly hindered and wound up by some of the truly shite botches I keep finding on this car,why do people think its OK to weld a patch over rust? do they not realise it will just carry on rusting? found a lot of that on this car some of my particular favorites are the patches braised on- braised? I thought that was something you did to a sheep when you were hungry not something you do to fix your outer sill on,another was a floor repair,a home made patch welded over the anti vibration check strap for the rear sub frame mount great -why go to all that effort to do a really bad job? but Ive been saving the best till last a rear spring hanger made using a paint tin lid! whoohoo wish I had thought of that one-OK I am a shed DIY welder/fabricator mechanic but I some standards!

Above are some pictures of the buggerybollockbotches and the the welcome sight of a new panel in position!

If I wasn't such a stubborn grumpy old bastard this car should really have been scrapped,but I cant bring myself to throw out old grinding discs let alone a piece of 1974 motoring history so bit by bit I will get this car back in shape an on the 10CR

So back to progress- what a bugger of a job it is cutting out an inner sill! but what a great feeling standing back and looking a new one (admittedly held in place by mole grips) getting the tape measure out and checking the car hasn't turned into a banana - all I can say is the tunnel on these cars is bloody strong! -I have got the car supported in six places mind trying to spread the load across as much of the strong bits as possible

Nest stage is to tack inner sill in and check the door still fits! then in with new cross members,floor pans,repairs to rear box sections (rear sub frame mount) spring hanger etc etc

Wish me luck!

2009-05-15T16:44:00.000-07:00

Well Its 00.45 Ive just come in from the shed now enjoying a mini pork pie a cup of coffee and pondering on the world,wondering if I falsify my time sheets and invoices I could blag enough cash to get my moat cleaned or the mortgage accidentally paid off, then say sorry not loose my job or get done for fraud then land a pay rise ,seems to work for some I was also thinking some things just shouldn't be trusted in the hands of Twats ie running the country,or DIY mig welders -if we had rules on such things the economy and public faith in our parliamentary process wouldn't be buggered -but more importantly the Stag in my shed wouldn't be full of half arsed botched welding repairs that take twice as long to rectify and would have only taken half the time of the original botch to do correctly-hey ho such is life

Tonights progress...?

2009-04-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

Well that session with the wire brush attachment revealed a few more holes..buggerybollocks.. Anyway to cheer us all up a mate out in Oz sent these "shed rules" more wood butcher biased than rust collectors like us- but relevant all the same! enjoy The Code of Practice. Index Paragraph Subject Page Paragraph 1 Scope 3 Paragraph 2 Drafting Committee 3 Paragraph 3 Definitions 3 Paragraph 4 Purposes 3 Paragraph 5 The Shed 4 Paragraph 6 Tools 6 Paragraph 7 Work(s) in Progress 7 Paragraph 8 Standing and/or leaning and staring 7 Paragraph 9 Blokely Attire 9 Paragraph 10 Inter-Bloke Communications 11 Appendix A Rules of Blokeness 12 Appendix B Blokeness Quotient 14 Appendix C ‘Because I am a Bloke’ 16 Appendix D Acknowledgements & Source Material 17 The Code of Practice. 1. Scope The Code of Practice concerns blokes, sheds and tools - and what blokes do in sheds with tools. 2. Drafting Committee This Code of Practice has been drawn up by members of the UBeaut Woodworking Australia Woodwork Forums – a nationwide body of experts whose collective experience, sagacity, strength, breadth, scope and depth of knowledge would be sufficient, if it were ever assembled in one place, to rival the combined erudition of the Library of Alexandria, the Smithsonian Institute, the Royal Society and the front bar of the Cowcockies’ Arms after the footy. 3. Definitions: For the purposes of the Code of Practice, the following definitions apply: 3.1. Bloke – a bloke is the owner, occupier and user of his shed. For further elucidation, refer to: Appendix A – Rules of Blokeness, Appendix B – Blokeness Quotient and Appendix C – Because I Am A Bloke. 3.2. Shed – a shed is the domain, demesne and realm of a bloke. 3.3. Tools – tools are things used by blokes in, near, around and in connection with sheds. 3.3.1. With respect to tools and/or sheds, a bloke shall determine what defines the terms: ‘in’, ‘near’, ‘around’ and ‘in connection with’ for purposes connected with his shed (see 3.2 The purpose of a shed). 4. Purposes 4.1. The purpose of the Code of Practice. The purpose of the Code of Practice is to determine and define those things that are important to blokes in the context of sheds and tools; to circumscribe the behaviour of blokes and, equally importantly, other people when in or near the shed or when using, looking at, handling and/or thinking about, tools. 4.2. The purpose of a shed. The purpose of a shed is to provide an environment and territory wherein a bloke has total and complete dominion and control and is therefore happy. 4.3. The purpose of tools and/or any specific tool. The purpose of tools and/or any specific tool lies entirely within the control of a given bloke. It’s his tool, he can do what he likes with it. If, for example, he elects to use one of his Iyoroi dovetail paring chisels to open a paint can, that’s up to him. He’s a complete boofhead but it’s his chisel (bloody drongo!). If, on the other hand, a bloke elects to use someone else’s Iyoroi dovetail paring chisel to open a paint can, he shall, within the context of this Code of Practice not just be a complete boofhead, he shall also be guilty of a major violation of this Code of Practice and, in consequence, shall be subject to loss of his blokeness status. For further information and guidance, see below under para. 6 Tools – sub para. 6.3 Other bloke’s tools, guidance on use and handling. 5. The Shed What a bloke does in his shed is up to him (see para 3 – Definitions, sub para 3.2 – Shed and para 4 – Purposes, sub para 4.2 – The purpose of a shed). It is clear from these important sections of the Code of Practice that a bloke has complete control over all activities within his own shed. This is inviolable. However, the Code is designed to provide appropriate guidance (see para 1 – Scope). What follows in this section is intended to provide a bloke with some clear guidance. If a bloke chooses to ignore this guidance, well, he has that right but it would be a foolish bloke who knowingly transgresses the Code and commits a violation. 5.1. Size and shape. Any given shed shall ALWAYS be too small. 5.1.1. When a bloke, through force of circumstance, is obliged to suffer from a lack of an actual shed then an appropriate surrogate shed may be substituted. To that end a surrogate shed may be any given workspace or area not necessarily confined within four walls, including any and all of the following:- 5.1.1.1. a garage, 5.1.1.2. a workroom, 5.1.1.3. a patio/decking area (see Cautionary note under 5.1.1.5 below) 5.1.1.4. any other space wherein a bloke determines that shed-like activities shall be undertaken. 5.1.1.5. Cautionary note – if a bloke co-opts a part or all of a patio for surrogate shed purposes, he shall thenceforth not use the term ‘patio’ to describe the area. The term ‘patio’ has chap-like connotations and is to be avoided within the context of this Code of Practice. 5.2. A place for everything and everything in its place. 5.2.1. It is a given that there is a place for everything and that everything shall be in its place. This is an immutable Law of Shed Physics. How would a bloke know where to find his double-ended sprocket adjuster (see para 6 Tools, sub para 6.2 – Collections, sub-sub para 6.2.1: ‘ …a tool that has no known practical use…’) if it is not put back in its proper place? However, the sole arbiter and judge of where that proper place is and should be is the bloke who owns the double-ended sprocket adjuster. The following section of the Code is intended to provide guidance on this vital matter. 5.2.2. A proper place, for the purposes of the Code, is wherever the bloke feels the tool should reside so he can find it again without difficulty. Re-arranging the positions and proper places for and of tools is an essential part of shed activity and is at least as important as standing and/or leaning and staring (see para 8: Standing and/or leaning and staring). The contents of a bloke’s shed are much like compost; they should be turned over frequently in order to function properly. 5.2.2.1. When a bloke puts something down in his shed he shall be able return to the shed after any period up to (insert period at discretion of said bloke) later and there it will be, right were he left it. 5.2.3. Fittings. Fittings are more permanently established items. The following is provided for guidance on fittings. Any item on the floor shall be considered a fitting and should be worked around and over, but never, ever, moved except when being put to its original purpose. When finished with, it is not to be put back in its original place; instead it shall be left in the closest free area wherein it is once again to be considered a fitting. This provision shall include any broken tools, lawnmowers, obscure blocks of wood and oddly shaped antique doodads that have no readily apparent use 5.3. Seating. There shall be only one stool or chair in the shed; that's all a bloke needs to ponder the whichness of the why... his mates will quite happily perch on a bench or convenient wood pile to finish their brew. Provision of more than one seat practically guarantees an audience of the fairer sex. 5.4. Decoration. Decoration of a shed is very important as it expresses a bloke’s personality and character. Decoration of the shed can include but shall not be limited to: old number plates, tin signs, tool stickers, calendars, charts, photos, posters, drawings, coasters, cobwebs (see para 5.4 Cobwebs) old bottles, old cans, old jars, old footballs and other superannuated sporting paraphernalia (no self-respecting shed shall be entirely complete without a bent and twisted wooden-framed tennis or squash racquet with busted real-gut strings) & information leaflets on every conceivable subject known to Man. 5.4.1. Any person entering a bloke’s shed and referring to it and its contents as a “space” shall be ejected summarily from the shed and forthwith banned from ever entering it again. It’s not a bloody space – it’s a shed! (Wanker!) 5.5. Flat surfaces. All flat surfaces - no matter how narrow, wide or long – shall be deemed to be storage or work areas. This shall include but not be limited to lathes, machines (table saws etc), cabinets or tables being built and the mate’s car bonnet if he stays too long. 5.6. Cobwebs. Cobwebs are considered an important accessory in any shed. Here’s why: 5.6.1. The presence (in abundance) of cobwebs shows the shed is healthy (supports life forms apart from bacteria, mould and termites). 5.6.2. If the cobwebs are clearly visible (heaps of airborne dust particles) then a bloke’s lungs are also collecting this muck and said bloke needs a dust collector. An alternative is to use handtools for the benefits of exercise, the quality of finished work and reduction in airborne dust. 5.6.3. Cobwebs signify the presence of spiders which help keep the blow-fly population down in summer. 5.7. Warning signs. 5.7.1. A useful addition to the shed’s door is a sign on the door that says "If you hear machinery running do NOT tap me on the shoulder". Any bloke who is tapped on the shoulder whilst operating noisy machinery shall be henceforth and in consequence, held immune from prosecution for any resultant act of reflex violence, no matter how hideously unspeakable the result. 5.7.2. A good alternative to the above sign is a polite request, for example:- 5.7.2.1. KEEP OUT – This means you!, or 5.7.2.2. PRIVATE – Domain of the Bloke; or 5.7.2.3. BUGGER OFF!! 5.7.3. Old chlorine buckets shall be scattered around the place for off cuts and garbage. Each machine should have its own bin, handles are optional. Extra buckets shall be used for wood storage or makeshift shelving... 5.7.4. A 30m power lead shall be provided. The purpose of this accessory is to sit on a nail. 5.8. Junk. There is no such thing as junk. Throwing a broken Hills Hoist gearbox on the dump is not an option. It may one day be needed! 5.8.1. Local rules shall apply, and no discussion will be entered into. Such things as: 5.8.1.1. Tools being used for tasks other than that which they were intended ie. old chisel for opening paint tins (It is recommended that it should be an old chisel (see para 4.3 - The purpose of tools and/or any specific tool.); 5.8.1.2. Radio station tuning changes according to day and time; 5.8.1.3. Choice of bevvie eg, beer in summer, plonk in winter (see para 8 - Standing and/or leaning and staring, sub para 8.3.6 - Blokely drinks) ; 5.8.1.4. Latest position for safety glasses; and 5.8.1.5. Use of wood bench for metal work and vice versa shall be solely at the discretion of shed owner. 5.8.2. Accessories. A rotten semi-liquefied mouse residing in an ear muff. (Optional – not necessarily recommended but suggested as a useful illustration to be discussed loudly in the presence of a bloke’s life partner – thereby providing appropriate discouragement from entering the shed (the Domain of the Bloke). 5.9. Bench. No shed is complete without a bench. 5.9.1. A bloke’s bench can be purchased complete but it is recommended that a bloke build his own bench which can be any of the following: 5.9.1.1. An exquisitely designed, constructed, detailed and finished example at the very pinnacle of fine woodworking expertise. 5.9.1.2. An old and knackered door resting on a pair of trestles, nailed together with a miscellaneous collection of aging fasteners left over from the projects of yesteryear. 5.9.1.3. Any point along a line drawn between the above two extremes. 5.10. Cleaning and maintenance. 5.10.1. The bench should never be cleaned but should always be covered with something: screws, offcuts, tools, gobs of paint, glue and such. 5.10.2. The floor shall never be swept. The 2ft (610 mm) thick mat of sawdust, offcuts nails and screws is to be regarded as character building and shall be cleaned off to a depth of 1ft (305.4 mm) only upon loss of child, wife or other venturesome personage who should know better than to venture into the shed. 5.10.2.1. Safety advice: This is a distinct and definite safety measure. With a thick layer of sawdust and shavings on the floor of the shed, a bloke will be relaxed about the occasional unavoidable mishap when he drops an expensive chisel or hand plane. On the other hand, lack of a thick carpet of sawdust and shavings will make a bloke nervous, thereby increasing the likely incidence of dropping expensive sharp tools and the subsequent potentially serious injury caused by the bloke’s inevitable reflexive attempt to cushion the plane or chisel’s fall with his semi-naked, thong-clad foot (see para 9 – Blokely Attire, sub para 9.3.4 Footwear). 5.11. Visiting rights. A bloke, by virtue of his ownership of the shed (see para 3 Definitions, sub para 3.1 – Bloke and sub para 3.2 – Shed), shall have unlimited rights of visitation to said shed at any given time of day for any length of time regardless of anything else that may need to be done. A bloke exercising these visiting rights shall not be subject to questioning by others based upon his conducting blokely activities – eg, standing and/or leaning and staring (see para 8 – Standing and/or leaning and staring). 5.12. Hospitality. A bloke shall make provision for entertaining his mates. 5.12.1. All sheds shall contain at least one fridge for cold storage of beverages for visiting shed connoisseurs and wood butchers (see sub para 8.3.6 - Blokely drinks). 5.12.2. One stool only... bugger visitors, they’ve got bums and can sit on a log, bench, floor or whatever (see sub para 5.2 - Seating). 5.12.3. No shed shall be considered to have a full equipment inventory without a bottle-opener and a corkscrew. 5.12.3.1. Cautionary note: a bloke should be careful when selecting grog-related implements for the shed to adhere to basic principles and not to stray into the area of smartarsed chap-like devices. 5.12.4. Stubby holders. A bloke’s basic shed equipment shall contain several busted-arse stubby holders. It is not an absolute requirement that stubby holders in sheds shall be decorated with outrageously obscene messages and/or logos but it is considered desirable. 5.12.4.1. Shed visitors shall not be required to bring their own stubby holders but it shall be understood that if they do so, the said stubby holders will remain in the shed. It is an immutable Law of Shed Physics that a stubby holder, once it has crossed the threshold of a shed, becomes part of that shed’s equipment inventory. In this way, stubby holders continue to circulate – which is good for the economy. 5.12.5. Safety equipment. A bloke shall always have some spare safety equipment for visitors: eye, ear and nose protection as required. 5.12.5.1. Cautionary note for visitors: although a semi-liquefied, decomposing mouse or frog is not a compulsory accessory for an item of safety equipment in a bloke’s shed (see para 5.8 – Junk, sub-para 5.8.2 – Accessories), the prudent bloke will make sure that the mortal remains of any deceased rodents and/or amphibians are more likely to be found in rarely-used gear of the kind a visitor might wear than in his own more frequently employed kit. A bloke shall not be held responsible for the contents of a visitor’s ear should this provision lead to any unforeseen relocating of said deceased rodents and/or amphibians. 5.13. A Target. A shed shall contain a target. It does NOT have to be a regular round thing with a bullseye. (Picture of bloke’s MIL or Ex work just as well). The target shall:- 5.13.1. Be mounted in a suitable safe place somewhere within 6ft (1827 mm) of a bin. 5.13.2. Have a back board big enough to accommodate a bloke’s throwing skills. 5.13.3. Be used for snapped drill bits, stripped screws, farqups, balls of 2nd hand masking tape, off-cuts and twist tops from stubbies. 6. Tools 6.1. A bloke shall NEVER have enough tools. 6.1.1. This is particularly true of clamps. It is an inviolable Law of Shed Physics - known and understood by all blokes - that in any collection of clamps, no matter how large, there is always:- a) room for several more; and b) never enough of the right size and type for the given work in progress (WIP) (See para 7 – Work(s) In Progress (WIP). 6.2. Collections. Two or more of any type of item on a bench or shelf is a collection, or the start thereof. This includes any broken tools, bits of lawnmowers, old blocks of wood and oddly shaped antique doodads that have no readily apparent use. 6.2.1. A collection of tools should ideally contain something passed on from a previous generation and at least one example of a tool that has no known or immediately identifiable practical use. This provides visiting blokes with endless opportunities for fruitless speculation and displays of half-arsed non-expertise. It shall be considered inhospitable of a bloke to fail to equip his shed with an object of such abiding interest. 6.2.2. Sharpening. A vitally important part of tool care – sharpening of tools shall be conducted as follows: 6.2.2.1. A bloke shall use up every sharp tool in the shed including those not really appropriate to the task at hand, prior to sharpening any tool. The bloke will then sharpen said tools only on an "as required" basis. 6.2.2.2. Tools shall be sharpened according to a given bloke’s needs, anywhere from the traditional ‘rough as guts’ to ‘edges meeting at single-molecule level’. Whichever standard of sharpness a bloke selects, he will test the sharpened tool’s efficiency by shaving off hairs from his forearm. Blokes who are discovered with sharp tools and a complete forearm-full of hair run the risk of being adjudged to have committed a Code violation. 6.3. Other blokes’ tools – Guidance on use and handling. (Important note: on the subject of lending and borrowing tools, please note that whether or not a bloke is prepared to lend his tools it is entirely his prerogative to determine. Whether or not he is prepared to lend you his tools may well depend upon how well you understand and follow these guidelines). 6.3.1. A bloke will always ask another bloke’s permission before handling any of the other bloke’s tools. 6.3.2. A bloke who picks up another bloke’s tool without asking permission and then either drops it or puts it down in a different position will have committed a Code violation. 6.3.3. A bloke will not make disparaging remarks about another bloke’s tools. 6.3.4. On the other hand, it is permissible to make boastful remarks about one’s own tools. 6.3.4.1. (Hint: The following line of dialogue may be useful: “That’s a nice (insert name of tool). (Pause) I’ve got the (insert description of superior example of same tool) version”.) 7. Work(s) In Progress (WIP) 7.1. Required quantum of works in progress (WIP). At any given point in time there shall be no less than 3 (three) works in progress (WIP). 7.1.1. If at any point in time there is any likelihood of the number of works in progress (WIP) dropping below this threshold owing to the impending completion of one of said works, all work is to stop and the thinking position (para 8 Standing and/or leaning and staring, sub-para 8.3 Techniques) shall be assumed for no less than 15 minutes whilst a new work in progress (WIP) is decided upon. This work must then be commenced, at least to the point of material being selected and sized, before work on any of the other works in progress (WIP) may be resumed. It is not acceptable to return to the original work in progress (WIP) until at least 3 more weekends have been consumed by other activities. 7.2. Major Works In Progress (WIP). There must be at least one major work (at least 100 man hours; or at least $100 worth of materials; or at least one expensive single use tool purchased solely for the construction of) which remains a work in progress (WIP) until the day a bloke is are carried from the shed with pennies on his eyes. 7.3. Cock-ups. There shall be at least one cock-up per work in progress (WIP). This is compulsory and unavoidable according to the Laws of Shed Physics. Realisation of the existence of the cock-up shall:- 7.3.1. Occur at any point from immediately after the commission of the cock-up to the point when a bloke spots it, having just completed the work in progress (WIP) and invited the rest of the family to admire it. 7.3.2. Result in a bloke needing to recite from memory certain key phrases of a blokely nature. 7.3.3. Require a bloke to determine a course of action chosen from the following:- 7.3.3.1. Hide it. 7.3.3.2. Claim it as an important design feature. 7.3.3.3. Ignore it (Not recommended – some smart@rse will spot it, for sure). 7.3.3.4. Expunge it by hurling the work in progress (WIP) at the target (see para 5 – The Shed, sub para 5.14 – A Target). 8. Standing and/or leaning and staring 8.1. A blokely activity. Standing and/or leaning and staring is a legitimate blokely activity and whilst its practice need not necessarily be confined to the shed or garden, it is recommended that a bloke does not engage in it too frequently outside these areas. Experience says that standing and/or leaning in areas outside the shed (the Domain of the Bloke) is likely to result in accusations that a bloke is doing nothing and may (usually does) lead to the bloke being commissioned to carry out some unblokely task. Note: On those occasions (hopefully few) when a bloke needs to leave the environs of the shed, he would be wise to wear a nail bag and have a blunt and half chewed chippy’s pencil behind his ear. Whilst away from the sanctity of the shed, if he needs to stand and/or lean and stare, he should do so in a purposeful manner. This may convince curious onlookers that he is gainfully occupied and hopefully deter any thoughts of commissioning the bloke to carry out an unblokely task. Further (and cautionary) note: Blokes should be aware that the wearing of nail bags, the aural deployment of half-chewed chippies’ pencils and the assuming of a purposeful manner are not, jointly and/or severally, proof against the tendency of some blokes’ life partners to issue inconvenient commissions for unblokely tasks. 8.2. Usefulness. Standing and/or leaning and staring is useful for the following legitimate purposes:- 8.2.1. Admiring: 8.2.1.1. Tools. 8.2.1.2. Piles of shavings and/or sawdust. 8.2.1.3. Work(s) in progress (see para. 7 above). 8.2.1.4. The shed fridge and/or its contents. 8.2.1.5. Pictures of any of the above. 8.2.2. Thinking about: 8.2.2.1. Tools. 8.2.2.2. Piles of shavings and/or sawdust. 8.2.2.3. Work(s) in progress (see para. 7 above) 8.2.2.4. The shed fridge and/or its contents. 8.2.2.5. Pictures of any of the above. 8.2.3. Not thinking at all. 8.3. Techniques. (All the following techniques can be employed as a ‘thinking position’ – see para 7 Work(s) in Progress, sub para 7.2). 8.3.1. Against the door jamb, gazing inwards. 8.3.2. Against the door jamb, gazing outwards. 8.3.3. Against the wall, gazing at the floor, bench or roof. 8.3.4. Against the bench, gazing at tool(s), work(s) in progress and/or collection (of licence plates, shavings, sawdust, wood stack, disassembled power tool, hand tool et al). 8.3.5. Note: All these techniques may be augmented and supplemented by the holding and/or consumption of a blokely drink (see sub-para 8.3.6 - Blokely drinks below). 8.3.6. Blokely drinks. Consumption of a blokely drink is recommended as a supplementary activity when engaging in standing and/or leaning and staring. The drink will augment and enhance the experience. However, it is a strict provision of the Code of Practice that the drink should be a blokely drink, as defined herein:- 8.3.6.1. Beer. 8.3.6.2. Red wine. 8.3.6.3. Coffee 8.3.6.4. Tea 8.3.6.5. Water. 8.3.6.6. Port. 8.3.6.7. Anything that you can ignite or that makes your eyes water. 8.3.7. Chaps’ drinks. Some types of drink can best be defined as chaps’ drinks. Nothing wrong with that of course, however, these need to be defined because there are some narrowly-defined circumstances wherein a bloke may legitimately consume a chap’s drink without committing a Code violation (see sub-para - 8.3.8 Exemptions below). Chaps’ drinks, as defined, include but are not limited to:- 8.3.7.1. White wine. 8.3.7.2. Gin and tonic. 8.3.7.3. Sherry. 8.3.7.4. Drinks containing bubbles. 8.3.8. Exemptions. A bloke may consume a chap’s drink in or near his or a mate’s shed without committing a Code violation under the following circumstances:- 8.3.8.1. When a medical condition exists that precludes him from consuming a listed blokely drink. 8.3.8.2. When either he or a mate has made the appalling error of failing to stock up on blokely drinks and there’s nothing else available. (However, see sub-para 8.3.10 – Code Violations re Drinks) 8.3.8.3. When the white wine or drink containing bubbles is a really good one and a bloke doesn’t want to miss out. 8.3.9. Proscribed drinks. The following drinks shall not be consumed by blokes in or near sheds: 8.3.9.1. Any drink containing cherries. 8.3.9.2. Any drink with little umbrellas. 8.3.9.3. Any drink with an abundance of fruit and/or vegetables. 8.3.9.4. Any drink that might inspire a bloke’s life partner to make that noise they make when they see something cute, like a baby. 8.3.10. Code Violations re Drinks. A bloke shall have committed a Code violation when he:- 8.3.10.1. Consumes a proscribed drink in or near his or a mate’s shed. 8.3.10.2. Makes the appalling error of failing to stock up on blokely drinks twice in succession (I mean, once is just a mistake but twice? C’mon!) 8.3.10.3. Pretends to have a medical condition just so he can indulge in a secret chap-like urge to sip on a gin and tonic or a dry sherry. 9. Blokely Attire 9.1. Whilst in, near and around his shed and/or when engaged in activities in connection with his shed (eg, nicking off to the hardware store to buy more toys tools), a bloke shall wear blokely attire (also known as clothes, gear and kit). 9.2. The different demands of climate, season, safety and whether or not his life partner can see him when he makes his move between shed and hardware store shall determine what a bloke can get away with wear in, near, around and in connection with his shed. It should, however, also be noted that a bloke is entirely in control of all shed-related issues, including attire (see para 3 – Definitions (in its entirety) and para 4 – Purposes, sub para 4.2 – The purpose of a shed). The following sections are intended to provide guidance. 9.3. General guidelines. In general, a bloke’s shed attire shall be comfortable. It cannot be stressed too highly that a bloke who is uncomfortably dressed cannot be a happy bloke. A bloke who is unhappy in his shed is in danger of committing a Code violation (see para 4 – Purposes, sub para 4.2 – The purpose of a shed). Comfortable blokely attire is therefore a fundamental requirement. (Note: Occasional brief bouts of unhappiness in the shed are unavoidable but these should be confined to the periods just after a bloke discovers he has made the compulsory cock-up (see para 7 – Work(s) In Progress (WIP), sub para 7.4 – Cock-ups) and just before he works out how the cock-up can be rectified, hidden, explained away as a design feature, ignored or expunged by hurling the offending object at the target (see para 5 – The Shed, sub para 5.13 – A Target). 9.3.1. Bagginess. A certain stylish bagginess to accommodate a bloke’s blokely stature is recommended. This is particularly important in, for example, the fit of a bloke’s strides and/or shorts. Bagginess permits a healthy circulation of air, providing cooling in hot weather and the benefits of insulation during the cooler months. 9.3.1.1. Note: old tracksuit pants (aka tracky daks) are particularly well-suited to meet the Code’s recommendations on bagginess. 9.3.2. Those dust coat things that woodwork and metalwork teachers used to wear make ideal blokely attire in the shed. One of these will give a bloke an air of technical competence – even when this is entirely inappropriate to the demonstrated skill level of the said bloke. 9.3.2.1. It is recommended, notwithstanding the strictures of para 9.3.4 – Colour, that a bloke who elects to wear one of these blokely garments, should select said garment in khaki, jungle green or that reliable standby, dark blue. White is to be avoided, especially for blokes with a limp, who might otherwise be mistaken for car park attendants. (For the same reason, blokes should avoid a sharp intake of breath followed by the phrase: ‘You can’t do that ‘ere, mate’). 9.3.3. Aprons. Whether or not a bloke chooses to wear an apron shall be at his own discretion. If he does so choose then he should exercise great care in selecting an appropriately blokely apron. 9.3.3.1. Leather aprons are very useful when carrying out boilermaker work. (Not, however, the kind of leather apron that might be found in the more ‘adult’ type of retail outlet). 9.3.4. Holes. Holes in a bloke’s blokely attire are not compulsory but they are a beneficial option (see sub para 9.3.1 re healthy circulation of air). 9.3.5. Colour. Colours and varying combinations thereof are entirely at a bloke’s choosing. The following guidelines are provided to help a bloke make appropriate choices:- 9.3.5.1. It is recommended that the base colour of a given garment shall be several shades lighter than its original colour. 9.3.5.2. Randomly-placed highlights of different shades of paint, glue, varnish, oil, grease, food and drink ingredients etc, lend a bloke’s blokely attire a certain air of casual but experienced blokeliness. 9.3.5.3. Footy club colours are not only acceptable but are actually recommended. However a bloke should try hard to avoid wearing the colours of more than one team from the same footy code. Failure to observe this provision shall not constitute a Code violation but it might lead to a bloke developing a multiple personality disorder. 9.3.5.4. Pink. Pink shall not be worn as a base colour for any garment unless said garment was originally demonstrably and obviously a bright red when purchased. 9.3.5.5. A bloke shall commit a Code violation if he wears a garment in a colour that bears the same name as any variety of fruit. 9.3.6. Footwear. A bloke is entirely free to choose any type and style of footwear from the wide range available from fully destruction-tested safety boots all the way to thongs. Guidelines:- 9.3.6.1. Preference shall be given to footwear that would render dancing difficult (hence, boots, thongs etc). 9.3.6.2. Blokes who elect to wear manky uggboots with judiciously applied patches of gaffer tape trim run little risk of offending against the provisions of this Code of Practice. 9.3.6.3. If thongs are chosen then they shall be double-pluggers and made from rubber. Those international lounge-lizard leather jobbies are to be avoided. 9.3.6.4. White shoes (unless they are weathered and paint-spattered Dunlop Volleys) are not at home in the shed. 9.3.6.5. Socks shall not be worn with sandals unless a bloke can produce conclusive proof that he was born in Her Britannic Majesty’s sceptered isle (aka The Old Dart). 9.3.7. Headgear. What a bloke chooses to place upon his scone is and must remain a matter of personal choice. General principles with regard to comfort (sub para 9.3), holes (sub para 9.3.2) and colour (sub para 9.3.3) should be observed, of course. Whilst it is not within the ambit of this Code to show partisan preference, the bloke who chooses a UBeaut cap, with or without the Foily option, will not go wrong. 9.3.8. Prohibited attire The following items are prohibited. A bloke wearing any of these in, near, around or in connection with his shed shall have committed a Code violation. 9.3.8.1. Neckties. (In a shed? – C’mon!). 9.3.8.2. Scarves. Note: A bandanna is not a scarf. Bandannas are by definition blokely attire. Scarves are worn by chaps. 9.3.8.3. Berets. (Unless the beret in question is demonstrably part of a bloke’s old uniform from when he was a member of his country’s armed services). Note: Specifically banned, prohibited and proscribed are those floppy berets worn by the type of people who would commit the appalling transgression of referring to a shed as ‘a space’. A bloke caught wearing such a floppy beret will be deemed to have committed a gross Code violation. 9.3.8.4. Any item of apparel that would meet with approval from a bloke’s life partner if the bloke were escorting her to a formal or even semi-formal social event. 10. Inter-Bloke Communications When more than one bloke is in, near, around and in connection with a shed, it is imperative that certain protocols and conventions are observed in the area of inter-bloke communication. These include, but are not confined to:- 10.1. Greetings. When a bloke’s mate arrives at the shed the inter-bloke greetings shall be restricted to a brief formal exchange of the time of day and information regarding the current relative health of the said blokes. The recommended convention is as follows: Bloke #1: “G’day. Goan?” Bloke #2: “Good. ‘Self?” Bloke #1: “Yair”. Ritual acknowledgement of the formalities in the form of a barely perceptible nod of the head is also permitted but is not compulsory and may be omitted without risk of a Code violation. 10.2. Physical contact. A bloke shall not make physical contact with another bloke whilst in the shed except in the following narrowly-defined circumstances:- 10.2.1. inadvertent contact during the passing of a tool or beverage. 10.2.2. when first meeting a new bloke - a brief and blokely handshake is permitted. 10.2.3. in a medical emergency and then only by suitably qualified paramedics. All other blokes present will stand to one side and confine their communications to appropriate commentary regarding:- 10.2.3.1. the patient’s tackle (size and relative limpness thereof); 10.2.3.2. marital status of the patient’s parents’ (legitimacy of same); 10.2.3.3. the patient’s wrist-rigidity relative to the mass of the patient’s handbag/purse and consequent capacity to swing same. 10.3. Blokely terms. In the area of Inter-Bloke Communication, there is occasionally some confusion about how a bloke should refer to and address another bloke or other blokes. This section of the Code is intended to provide guidance and to help a bloke avoid any embarrassing breaches of blokely ethics. 10.3.1. When addressing another bloke, a bloke is recommended to use the following blokely terms:- 10.3.1.1. Mate. 10.3.1.2. Pal (but see Note below). 10.3.1.3. Son (but see Note below). 10.3.1.4. Bloke. 10.3.1.5. Cobber (or Cob) – slightly dated but entirely acceptable. Note: Pal can be usefully employed to add weight to a blokely query, eg: “What are you going to use for a face when the monkey wants its arse back, pal?” Note how the query has more gravitas and emphasis with the addition of this particular blokely term. Note: Son is obviously most properly employed by a bloke when addressing one of his own descendants but it is possible to employ the term effectively when delivering advice and guidance to non-family members, eg: “You need to take a long, hard look at yourself, son”. (See Appendix B – Blokeness Quotient). 10.3.2. When addressing another bloke, a bloke is recommended to avoid the following terms - some of which are chaps’ terms:- 10.3.2.1. Chum. 10.3.2.2. Matey (it’s patronizing and is only used by boofheads). 10.3.2.3. Sonny (the male equivalent of ‘girly’. Try using that one nowadays and cop the reaction!) 10.3.2.4. Buddy (an Americanism. It’s on the margin of acceptability but cannot strictly be regarded as a blokely term). 10.3.2.5. Old chap (an obvious chaps’ term). 10.3.2.6. Man. (see 10.3.2.4 and be aware of the term’s association with certain inhaled substances). 10.3.3. A bloke will commit a serious Code violation if he commits the appalling blunder of addressing a bloke or blokes using any of the following terms:- 10.3.3.1. Chappy/Chappies. 10.3.3.2. You there. 10.3.3.3. You people. 10.3.3.4. Men (the only time this has ever been an even marginally acceptable way to address other blokes is when a military officer – preferably of field rank – is about to lead his troops into battle. And even then You Blokes would be preferable). 10.3.4. Addressing groups of blokes. In a formal or semi-formal situation, a bloke may address a group of other blokes using the following recommended terms:- 10.3.4.1. Youse blokes. Widely applicable and recommended. 10.3.4.2. Gents. More applicable in the semi-formal or formal situation than 10.3.4.1. Only ever used in the vocative case and never in the nominative. The following example is recommended usage: “OK gents. Bit of quiet thanks. Anyone needing a break please use The Gents. Thanks gents.” 10.3.4.3. Ladies. 10.3.4.4. Girls. Note: The latter two terms can be used inter-changeably when addressing any group of blokes but are probably most effectively deployed when addressing members of a rival institution: another sporting team or woodworking club, for example. Appendix A Rules of Blokeness (Note, these Rules are provided in the context of the Code of Practice for persons who are not blokes so that they may better understand blokes. It is, of course, a given that blokes already understand these Rules and have no cause to refer to them – except, perhaps, so they may quote them verbatim when any need arises). 1. Under no circumstances may two blokes share an umbrella. 2. It is OK for a bloke to cry under the following circumstances: a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse. c) After wrecking your boss's car. d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game". e) When she is using her teeth 3. Any bloke who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates. 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a mate out of jail within 12 hours. 5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever, unless you actually marry her. 6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7. No bloke shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another bloke. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is questionable behaviour. 8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach - and... it's delivered by a topless supermodel - and... it's free. 12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts. 13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14. Mates don't let mates wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15. If another bloke’s fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game (ie, can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17. A bloke in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean. 19. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another bloke while lifting weights: a. Yeah, Baby, Push it! b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c. Another set and we can hit the showers! 22. Never talk to a bloke in the Gents unless you are on equal footing: i.e. both urinating; both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was. 25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox/PS2. End of story. 28. There is no reason for blokes to watch Ice Skating or Men’s Gymnastics. Ever. Appendix B Blokeness Quotient: It is a given that a bloke knows he is a bloke. Anyone who doubts his own blokeness is, by definition, not a bloke. He may be a chap, a fellow etc, and he may be a perfectly decent example of one of those species but he’s not a bloke. However, there are degrees of blokeness. Measured tightly within very fine margins, it is possible to determine the degree of a bloke’s blokeness. To that end, the following scientifically-designed quiz will help any bloke to measure his own blokeness quotient. It is recommended that a bloke takes the quiz alone and in private. Upon achieving a successful result, it is permissible for a bloke to give voice to a muted yell of triumph followed by a celebratory blokely drink. In circumstances of a less than successful result ……well, that’s not going to happen, is it? The Blokeness Quotient Quiz: 1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth. You decide to: a. Present it to the Prime Minister. b. Present it to the Secretary General of the United Nations. c. Take it apart. 2. As you grow older, what is it about your lost youth that you miss the most? a. Innocence. b. Idealism. c. Those little fart machines made out of cardboard, metal washers & elastic bands. 3. When is it okay to kiss another male? a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without regard for narrow-minded social conventions. b. When he is the Pope. (Not on the lips.) c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for business reasons, you have to have him killed. 4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is: a. A cat. b. A dog. c. A dog that eats cats. 5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. One leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking it easy - you're watching a football game; she's reading the papers - when suddenly, out of the clear blue sky, she tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether you want to get married; only whether you believe that you have some kind of future together. What do you say? a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future, but you don't want to rush it. b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to make a lasting commitment and you don't want to hurt her by holding out false hope. c. That you cannot believe Mick Malthouse burst into tears at the end of the Grand Final in 2003. 6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and you want to spend the rest of your life with her. How do you tell her? a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner. b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze blowing through her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her. c. Tell her what? 7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and asks you to get your three children ready for school. Your first question to her is: a. "Do they need to eat or anything?" b. "They're in school already?" c. "There are three of them?" 8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised Land? a. He was being tested. b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when they finally got there. c. He refused to ask directions. 9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement? a. Democracy. b. Religion. c. Beer. Give yourself points for each answer as follows:- a = 1, b = 2, c = 3. Ratings:- 24 – 27 points: Maaate! 15 – 23 points: You need to take a long hard look at yourself, son! 9 – 14 points: Poofter! Appendix C The following is provided as a service for blokes who are confronted with unreasonable, illogical and generally PITA female demands to behave differently. We recommend that blokes run off several photocopies of this Appendix and have them available to be handed out as necessary. Because I Am A Bloke • Because I'm a bloke, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. The RAC is not an option. I will win. • Because I'm a bloke, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another bloke shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and break wind as a form of Holy Communion. • Because I'm a bloke, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem. • Because I'm a bloke, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (FYI fellas: cumin is a spice, apparently, and not a bodily function). • Because I'm a bloke, when one of our appliances stops working I will insist on taking it apart despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together. • Because I'm a bloke, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator).....applies to engineers mainly. • Because I'm a bloke, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always sex, cars, or football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. • Because I'm a bloke, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come and visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too. • Because I'm a bloke, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly remember the name and recommend it to others. • Because I'm a bloke, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? • Because I'm a bloke, and this is, after all, the year (insert year), I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest...... like wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do. This has been a public service message for Women to better understand the Bloke. Appendix D Acknowledgements The Drafting Committee The following members of the UBeaut Woodworking Australia Woodworking Forums have contributed their ideas and debating skills to the drafting of this Code of Practice. Andy Mac Ashore Bluegum BobL Bodgy Bookend Cliff Rogers Dan Dan P doug the slug Driver echnidna Glenn M Harry 72 Ian 007 JDub jmk89 MarkW Mkb Robbo rufflyrustic Scooter silentC SkewChiDAMN!! Waldo Wild Dingo Wongo Wood Borer Zed Source Material The Drafting Committee is grateful to the various anonymous creative minds that provided the brilliant original work on the following:- Appendix A – Rules of Blokeness. Appendix B – Blokeness Quotient. Appendix C – Because I Am A Bloke. These important documents have been circulating as emails for some years. The Drafting Committee is proud to have an opportunity to include them here and to acknowledge their original creators – even though the nature of generally distributed emails makes it impossible for that acknowledgement to be anything other than anonymous.

A barrow full of weeds..

2009-04-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

A plastic bag full of floor pan and inner sill..

A wheel barrow full of weeds...

Today was a day of weeding fighting a battle against sodding ground elder in the garden then when the showers came diving into the shed to weed out the sodding rust in the stag..

here we go again..

2009-04-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

Next time I say "oh it just needs a bit of welding" feel free to kick me in the bollocks

Why don't I learn,never mind it will be a long old road repairing section by section etc

As you can see a couple of half pissed monkeys have had a go at welding it up in the past...

The stags in the shed.....I may be sometime...

2009-04-23T14:30:00.000-07:00

Well to nights activity was a bit of an explore into the unknown,Its the first time Ive got right underneath the stag and poked about -I knew what to expect but I just wish the holes had been left as honest holes rather than patched up with pigeon shit welding! The MOTs mans yellow crayon scrawled all over the place leading me to the dodgy areas- N/S Foot well-patched from above but rusty old metal not cut out from below! duh! why?! Front sill end into lower inner wheel arch-not there! allowing me to shine a torch down inside the sill which for 90% of its length is OK Rear of sill into floor pan (where the strap from the cross member mounts) -v dodgy patch Bad repairs in region of spring hangers-but new spring hangers..argggh Out riggers one dodgy patch the other lots of holes O/S Not quite as bad as the N/S but read as above No doubt the above list will get worse as the under seal and cack comes off!...oh and heaven knows whats behind the chrome sill trims...gulp! On the plus side some one has thrown cash at this car- new looking KONI classic dampers fitted,full stainless exhaust system with tubular manifolds,offenhauser inlet,holey carb,lovey wheels and brand spanking new tyres,new discs,copper brake lines etc It really is a strange one it seems to have had some nice bolt on bits but been completely let down by some DIY welding and failed the MOT in style My jobs list even before I think about getting the 3.9 V8 and LT77 box back in it looks like this- Strip interior carpets/seats expose the floors Strip rear end-trailing arms ,drive shafts possibly cross members and diff (the trailing arms were coming out anyway for new supflex bushes,modified datsun shafts are ready and waiting to go in) Fabricate repair panels and weld in new metal Then I can think about refurbishing suspension/brakes etc -I think getting the engine in is the least of my worries really! I will post some pics of shed carnage soon..

Hcr and Shed Monkey

2009-04-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Shed monkey and HCR The shed had a much needed hand from Homer getting it ready for the HCR only one panic when I found a leaky rear slave cylinder I managed to get hold of a new unit on the Thursday, we also replaced the rear N/S driveshaft as there was a bit too much play in the bearing for comfort, Friday was taken up bleeding brakes tidying up bits and bobs and fitting the “new” second hand wheels an tyres- I think they suit the car The 300mile run to the southwold start went fine we set off after having the tracking and front geometry checked at Tipton Garage following the strut rebuild, fitting of ARB and suitable strengthened tie bars We drove cross country avoiding the M25 and motorways in general It was great to see everyone at the start and tuck into fish and chips by the sea We were underway collecting county points and optional extras by 6.30 pm,having a great time keeping the setting sun on our right heading east and making good time on the empty A and B roads ,stopping at a couple of pubs to ask which county were in (Essex/Herts) border we sparked off heated debates between locals some insisting we were in Herts some Essex, we picked up a business card from one with Herts printed one side and Essex on the other, great served as evidence of two counties! We fannied around Slough looking in vain for Clivedon for an extra point and forgot to pick up evidence for Surrey! DOH We were both getting knackered for the second set of clues/points so we decided to cut slightly and get in an hour or so kip before breakfast, which was spot on and just what I needed to give me the energy to drive home from the finish Thanks to Dale and Bry for organising the event and roll on next year’s I’ve been having a bit of a think about the fleet and future plans My latest thing is as follows Return 1967 2000 MK 1 rally car back to pre 68 regs-aim to enter it on a stage event by 2010/11 Estate- Use 2.5 from above, finish off front end body work and get back on the road, and use as club hack – “Utility shed” so to speak, I can fit it with the Brantz, sump guard ,potty ,map light, spots etc and use it on various club/ road events and have plenty of fun with it utilising it as service barge for Raider on the 2010 Manx Stag- fit the 3.9 RV8 and LT 77 gearbox; get back on the road and proven in time for the 10CR –possibility of selling on after the event? Anyway plans are made for changing! This week looks to be set fair so I think I will be spending most my time in the veggie patch weeding and the like while I take a rest from the cars

Curry sauce and wind

2009-04-16T15:34:00.000-07:00

Celebrity blog time over to homer- here we are again, nothing changes, arrive at Andrews to discover the car is in at least 1000 bits and needs several hours worth of big tinkering to get it ready, how can this be it was running fine the last time i ventured out, ( RBRR) several hours later some black silicon sealant, a drive shaft, and some seat belts plus curry and chips, the garage has a nice odour and oh did i forget to mention only 998 bits to re fit to the car.

2009-04-10T15:35:00.000-07:00

Obvious seam weld for the MOT man This is the cover sill having to be seam welded on to cheer up the MOT man The pictures above are the ones I couldn't post up last night,this one is my gut and the strengthened tie bar (ooh tendollar ping pong trick) Well the nasty job of using a grinder flapper wheel to splatter my face with sticky old under seal -great if you are going for a "1950s grand prix" driver look -but not great if you want to regain entry to the house- is complete all I have left to do is put a coat of "Tracktooor" paint on the sills and I reckon its good to go for another year or so The rest of the weekend will be taken up putting the struts back on and fitting the ARB then just general servicing and tinker Then it time roll the Stag in and start splattering again...oh joy of joys

This week I have mainly been in the shed..

2009-04-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

Christ I'm getting a bit bored of post midnight finishes I seemed to have spent most this week doing nasty jobs,found another hole tonight that needed welding,and of course it was surrounded by 40 year old under seal rust and other crap,anyway jobs done on the 2000 MK1 this week-

Seam welded cover sills (these had been spot welded on by a previous owner I got told to seam weld them at the last MOT)- Ive resigned myself to the fact I will have to replace the sills within the next 18 months -certainly before the car has a safety cage fitted and gets any ideas of getting let out on a forest stage,the plan in the mean time is to get some road events under my belt again

Rebuilt the struts with new tops-on the RBR the insert nut came loose on the O/S
Strengthened set of tie bars ready to fit ARB
General under body maintenance -this involved getting covered in old undersodding seal welding up random holes hiding under said under seal , putting out burning old under seal,painting etc

Ive only the O/S inner arches and sill to do now,then I can get back to the nice jobs like suspension bolting back on,service and engine tune- oh I also stripped and clean the rocker shaft/rockers when I got hacked off with picking lumps of tar like under seal out of my hair earlier in the week

Ive also got a wheel / Tyre dilemma to sort out,more of that later

I would post some pictures up but buggeringbollocksbloggertoss.com is having an "error" uploading so I will post some when its Lucas moment has past

Wire brush rash..

2009-04-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

Beware the wire brush I say, whilst the struts were out on the 2000 mk1 I took the chance to clean up the inner wheel arches etc scrapping off flaking under seal I opened up some holes in the chassis rail a pain in the arse area to repair properly with the engine in ,its also a double skinned area -just underneath the battery tray (viewed from the engine bay) -so with the wire brush rash exposed I set about some temporary repairs which I will make permanent next time the engine is out

First off I welded in a thick chassis repair plate , then a thinner plate shaped to fit the inner wing- over lapping the top of the chassis rail as per original,strong enough to last until I swap back to a MK1 2000cc engine (to satisfy the pre '68 historic regs for some of the events I want to take on next year)whilst the engine is out I will re visit the whole area

Homers new seat

2009-04-03T17:09:00.001-07:00

After extensive materials testing this seat came out tops as the the one that can withstand the effects of 12 packets of "flamin hot" monster munch 14 peperoni's and several meat based savory snacks after homers bottom has "worked" on them

Shedtune F1

2009-03-28T00:57:00.000-07:00

I'm liking this new F1 look managed to catch highlights on the BBC red button after being woken by 1 year old sleep thief

Great to see local Tractor boy up there on Pole the only bitter sweet point being his team boss looks like a cross between a slug and a sleazy used car salesman -I just cant seem to warm to him! Also good to see the Williams on the pace - I have a lot of respect for Frank Williams, I reckon he has a bit of Shedtune in his blood! Speaking of Shedtune the MK1 2000 is in the Shed having a few jobs done to get it ready for the forthcoming Club Triumph HCR event on the tinker list;

Install comfy passenger seat - The buckets are fine for shorter events but no so good for relaxing in on the long distance endurance events and as the start is a 300 mile trip away from base I cant put up with Homers whinging about his numb arse!

Throttle cable modification - more on this later

Full service- fluids,brakes etc

Tune- I might even get it down to the Rolling Road

That's about it really

When that lot is done the Snag will be rolled into the shed for its resurrection- pictures of the thing above

Constipated Shed

2009-03-16T14:37:00.000-07:00

Following accidentally buying a 1974 Stag on the way home from work last Tuesday I have caused a bit of a blockage in the shed - garage/shed is now full of bits for the estate project and the drive full of Stag-I have found myself in the unfortunate position of having to plan what I an doing next! The plan looks something like this Estate -finish front end work ,plonk suspension back on to allow it to be rolled out and put under cover- this week MK1 2000-into garage sort a few jobs to prepare it for the HCR -first week April Stag-into garage finish welding, fit engine- April / May Estate- back into garage get ready for 10CR See when you write it down and make a list it all becomes a piece of piss!

"Bread roll with those spares Sir?"

2009-03-16T14:10:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the CT Dinner and awards night -thanks to everyone for getting it sorted

I found myself on the noisy "Northern Gits" table so felt right at home -apart from the lack of scantily clad slappers it could have been a re-run of the RBR08 Forton Services stop Raider looked after

I used the excuse of visiting the London area to pick up/drop off a few spares my route on the Saturday took in Guildford and Milton Keynes and I ended up with the following-

Perspex rear 2000 screen -Doug T promised me a money back guarantee if it didn't make the rally car go 10mph faster!

14" Steel wheels -I will give these a whizz on the MK1 rallyish car

MK2 Front valance -for the estate

MK2 n/s wing

LT77 5 speed box and shortened shifter -for the RV8 estate MK2 -(I now have a spare RV8 LT77 Bell housing if anyone is interested)

All I have to do now is get cracking and get all these bits on the various cars

Winging it

2009-03-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

Well following the "scissor jack" shed puller experiment which worked pretty well the next stage was to track down a decent wing to go back on,thanks to the CT forum i got in touch with a fellow rust collector in Clevedon named Phil -he is also the area organiser for the TSSC in Somerset top bloke and he was breaking a 2500 with a decent drivers wing -which is now ready to weld onto the estate

Wing trimmed and trail fitted -still needs a couple of repairs

Inner arch needs a bit of rebuilding but not in too bad a state at all

Shed estate project

2009-03-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

new bits going in!

all the bent bits removed!

bent engine cross member

bent rails cut out

more bent bits and previous bodge

Engine out

bent bits!

Shed estate starts-

Cutting out the bent bits and starting the slow process of putting straight bits back in!-Will let the pictures do the talking

Project Shed estate underway

2009-03-01T12:40:00.000-08:00

After blagging back my old 1973 MK2 2000 Estate following a front end and rear end crash it needed a

bit of sorting out

The crank was thrusting so much the clutch wouldn't work and it generally needed a "good seeing to in the shed"

The basic plan was to sort out the bent bits then slap in a Rover V8 engine-easy!

The bent bits turned out to be a bit more bent than I thought -

Front chassis legs

Headlight panel

Radiator panel

Engine cross member

inner wings

Top of O/S wing U section

O/S wing

I will let the pictures do the talking!

I managed to get hold of some chasis legs and a headlight panel through club members so the grinding started .....and the slow rebuild was underway!

2009-03-01T12:39:00.001-08:00

"dickspeed" @ Halfords

2008-12-20T10:12:00.000-08:00

After putting off fixing the windscreen rear view mirror on to my Wife's 94 A6 for several years I decided to nip into the Halfords opposite the Mc Donalds I was sitting in feeding my hangover ( Christmas "do" the night before ) and pick up the glue kit to needed to stick the mirror back on to the windscreen Once inside Halfords -glue kit located for a princely sum of £3.99 now the tricky bit in our local Halfords ,trying to pay for goods I stood at the counter for 5 minutes no one there no one came even though I had "eyballed" a member of staff- he seemed more interested in joining his spotty mates at the "dickspeed" display of faux drilled aluminium throttle pedals and over sized "nobbersport" Corsa wheels- an older lady was by now hanging around the Sat Navs asking me which one she should buy as she had also been unable to interrupt the "dickspeed" self abuse trio-I recommended the Tom Tom one but suggested she buy one from a store interested in taking her cash On this I decided to interrupt our trio of product "experts" and ask if I could pay for my goods as by now there was an ever increasing impatient family waiting for me in the car outside - inside which I was being accused of being more interested in shiny tools and having "done sod all "about getting organised for a family Christmas Spotty ring leader -indicated I assume by the back to front Halfords baseball cap- informed me to pay at the counter,I don't think he appreciated my sarcastic reply of "certainly if you show me how to use the till" I was then told as they were not very busy I could join the Que of pissed off looking customers and pay at the "parts counter" -no one was behind the parts counter taking payment as the older lady had finally got her man and was being "demonstrated" why she needed a £300 Sat Nav to put on the dash of her Micra on the weekly trip to Tescos I managed to tear spotty ring leader away from the blue anodised wiper blades but only once I had pointed the "parts counter" situation out with a decent level of hangover soaked sarcasim and a "I'm about to slap you" look in my eye Finally four quid lighter but up a tube of windscreen/mirror glue I went home and stuck the f***ing mirror on upsidesodding down......bollocks

Update

2008-12-10T13:03:00.000-08:00

Some pictures of the Taxi sheds sump guard as requested by some at CT Well its been a busy couple of months The S6 snapped its serp belt which caused the timing belt to jump 3 teeth -oops I was a very lucky boy not to end up with mashed valves and pistons ,I was also very lucky no to have had the car floating out to sea! -let me explain After I replaced the serp belt the sod wouldn't start being full of electricity and not having fault code readers etc my local petrol head garage had to take over -they discovered that the timing had jumped and hence the cam position sensor and the crank position sensor were out of sync- anyway that night their garage was flooded by the freak hail storms that hit us-lucky for the S6 it was driven to safety at 3am in the morning whilst several other cars "went under" along with all the garage equipment - M.O.T computer ,ramps ,rolling road ,machine shop etc the lot ! Not expecting the S6 back for a while as it needed an MOT as well as cambelt I readied the Taxi for action- a daily 100 mile commute for my new job - it was a good excuse to tinker and test some ideas for the new filtered cold air intake design - I came up with a good heath Robinson solution-just need to make the finished version now,Ive bought the metal just need some shed time! I also fitted a huge heat shield which works a bloody treat and cost about 50p really pleasing shedtune stuff-hot tick over will now sit at 600 rpm and Ive almost got rid of the dreaded run on. Much to my amazement I rolled into the drive on Wednesday evening to find a shiny clean ,new cambelted and MOTed S6 delivered to my house! talk about great service Tipton Garage had been 4 ft underwater 5 days earlier I wasn't expecting it back for at least a couple of weeks Once the S6 was back I should have started making the new air box for the TAXI but became completely sidetracked by a shiny 123 distributor which is now fitted and had a good test today on the work run as my wife's 2.6 A6 was having its cam belt done -this time the garage didn't flood! I had lost a testicle in the cold servicing the A6 over the weekend and really couldn't be arsed loosing the other doing the cam belt so it went off to Tipton Garage whilst the kids made do with the S6 - the thing I missed most about the S6 today?... heated seats how sad is that?! I must be getting soft in my old age So the Shedtune fleet is all present an correct - Audi 2.6 A6 Avant -serviced MOTd and new cambelt Audi S6 Avant-New belts and MOTd-due a minor service which I will do myself Taxi 1967 2.5 MK1 2000- on carbs- suitably dirty but new shiny dizzy and heath Robinson air intake going really well at the moment 1973 2000 Estate -off the road waiting for me to shed it in the new year once I have collected all the bits I need which seem to be spread all over the country 1969 Bentley T1 -running well- electric windows playing up again-for sale if interested!?

Daft Questions..deserve answers

2008-10-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

This week, what has been annoying me most?...

The bloody random tick over on the Taxi when hot..and the running on but we will get wound up by one thing at a time for the moment

Anyway I posted up a daft question on the CT forum asking for ideas as to why it should do it and how to fix it-I had my own theory and wanted to know what others thought-as it turned out we all pretty much agreed that heat from the exhaust manifold could be upsetting the carbs and hence the tick over whilst hot-so what could be done ? Some ideas;

Heat wrap the exhaust to insulate it-hmm bit of a "last resort" in my book
Reflective heat shield between the exhaust manifold and carbs -easy to do but I was sceptical it would work
Direct cold air intake/ducting into carbs-not so easy to do whilst keeping "trumpets" on the SUs due to air box design etc

I set about knocking up a reflective heat shield (above) - please note how tidy and shed like my bench is-I used a section of 2mm thick aluminium that was kicking about, cuting two "slots" in the top edge to locate around the inlet branches, then positioned it between the exhaust manifold and carbs leaving an air gap between shield and exhaust manifold,fixing it in place with brackets and self tappers for its test run-I will revisit to make it a more permanent/robust install

Whilst tinkering in the area I thought I best check tightness of inlet/exhaust manifold nuts -first one I check I had the sickening "stripped thread" feeling in my stomach- off with the lot to remove the stud- having had my suspicions about the manifold gasket -thus I wasnt too concerned about the extra work in replacing it-see what you think was the old one leaking?

This is the stripped inlet stud

So with new inlet/exhaust manifold gasket fitted , dodgy stud replaced and heat shield installed it was time to test I took the car out for a quick five mile blast returned and left it ticking over expecting to see the idle RPM increase to around 1000-1200- as it had in the past -or at least rise and then slowly fall after "bliping" the throttle

I was pleasantly surprised to see a constant idle of 800rpm even after 10 minutes of tick over and varied throttle positions

I turned the engine off and guess what ...it ran on! but not as bad as before,so I would surmise a medium shed tinker success,next thing to have a fiddle with will be the cold air intake,possibly duct some cold air directly onto the exhaust manifold? feel free to comment with your ideas!

More Shed antics to follow..

Next Shed project- "The Barge"

2008-10-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

After eying up stags ,stag saloons and 2000 estates on the RBR I thought it about time I joined in the V8 Triumph fun . My Shedtune thought process went something like this: Stags - would love one but not massively practical with a growing family and a shrinking budget. Stag Saloon/Estate- Practical but rare and expensive-well I imagine them to be expensive So we need to make a Shedtune version-Stag engine and running gear would be great but could prove costly and hard to get hold of a suitable parts car, and would I want to break a Stag that could be restored? My thinking turned away from Engine/Drive train for the time being; I had spoke to Richard Brake of CT fame at the RBR start, he had bought a 1973 2000 estate off me about 4 years ago, to cut a long story short it had been accident damaged a few times and now needed a restoration,the good part being Richard had replaced the sills using NOS parts - a deal was done and I hope to have the estate back here around the end of November I also had it in the back of my mind that I had seen a Rover V8 kicking around Dales workshop( Moordale Motors) again a deal was done and the V8 is now mine- I hope to pick it up mid November So we now have an engine and a shell- a good start- but I am going to need a few other bits. I want to keep the Triumph transmission-why? well because I have two spare O/D boxes and I love the overdrive,it also keeps things simple not having to get the tin snips and big hammer out to fit the LT77 box,also if a good Stag engine ever came my way I could drop it in. Bits I need to track down; Bell-housing adapter kit etc to mate the RV8 to the Triumph gearbox Exhaust headers front system etc Engine mounts/brackets The shell has front and rear damage so will be looking out for any suitable panels to suit the MK2 2000 estate If anyone could help out with bits or advice please contact me via the forum or e-mail ajppearce@gmail.com Ideally I would like to have the project finished in time for the 2009 10CR but reality tells me that could be a bit ambitious -thus my aim would be to use it as the "Manx Raider Service Barge" supporting Martin Randle in his TR7 sprint taking on the Manx rally in July 2010 -if so it would have to be finished with a black bonnet and have spare TR7 wheels on a roof rack ! (that would leave more room inside for Homer and I to stash our pies and cans of Stella) in fact has anyone got pictures or info on the estates that were used by the "works" teams.

RBR REPORT

2008-10-18T17:37:00.000-07:00

RRB RUN 08 Team No6 1967 Triumph 2000 MK1, (CARIO TAXI) Andy Pearce, Ben “Homer" Hobson This year’s event was our 6th and by rights since 1996 we should have had at least one DNF in the previous 5 starts but somehow I’ve always managed, hook or by crook to get the cars sorted enough to finish, this year I was a bit more concerned as for various reasons the Taxi hadn’t been on the road for over 12 months A test run two weeks before the start to North Wales from our Devon home threw up plenty of issues, these were sorted as best as possible using limited resources and used up most of the useful spares and second hand bits I had stashed in better times- for a rainy day so to speak (and it DID rain on the RBR) The run up to the London start went fine until the M25 car park, what a pain in the arse that road is, Engine temp creeping up and a misfire setting in (something that never happen on the test run) we ducked off the M25 and tried to cut out the clogged up bits rejoining after Junction 19 -I was fuming as it meant I didn’t have time for a cup of Tea at Dales -the misfire went once underway and the temperature decreased but this problem reared its head again when held up on the A1,I richend up the mixture which seemed to help a tad, with no high temperatures noted post adjustment but why the misfire when hot I don’t know, suggestions on a postcard please- My plan is to try and cut down the under bonnet heat i.e. wrap the exhaust manifold and see if that helps with the high hot idle , running on and said hot misfire The start was great catching up with the usual suspects checking out the Atlast van was a highlight along with laughing at Tim climb about the children’s playground equipment to deliver his last minute drivers brief. Our theme for this run was taken from the wise words of Raider Randle first voiced on the 2003 10CR “lets not fanny about and crack on” so we did -Blyth was made in good time a quick PPF (pie,pee,and fuel) and we back on the road I enjoyed the road to corbridge so much this year we forgot turn off and head for Edinburgh –no hassle Ben did a quick cut and we were soon back on route and I had the pleasure of overtaking the cars we had passed ½ an hour before Ben took over the driving from the Airport to Inverness- I slept waking occasionally to a vision of heavy rain and blinding spray (whilst stuck behind trucks) Ben as ever doing a great job of driving through the dodgy conditions and dispatching slower moving traffic to “get clear air” He commented on how planted the car felt, which was pleasing as funds hadn’t allowed for new (bigger) wheels and tyres –we were running on standard 13” with 5 year old 185 profile Good Year Eagles in fact we didn’t really have any “big moments” with grip all run I took over again from Inverness, The last 40 miles into JOG was hard work as the weather wasn’t the best, my arse had gone numb (I needed to re-arrange my seat padding) and all I wanted was my breakfast -I also witnessed another nameless event driver taking the piss out of a 40mph zone in a built up area not a great idea but hey ho there is always one! Breakfast was excellent I had mine first while Homer showered; I then grabbed a shower myself my arse coming back to life! As soon as we could we got the book signed and tootled off, I must admit to being a bit lazy on the next section letting a group of 2000s go past then tagging along with them for the single track leg – it’s always easier to follow rather than lead on this section! The car was running fine and we made the Conon Bridge stop in good time stuffing our faces with the excellent sarnies and taking on plenty of caffeine whilst having a gossip in the car park with the other crews, once suitably refreshed we headed off into the watery sunshine for a great drive through Glencoe-we didn’t stop for fish and chips en-route this time deciding to head straight for the pies at Stirling, by now the punishment being handed out to digestive systems overwhelmed Homer and he finally let a “loch monster” drop that made me gag http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=stR3Lnw3UTE -Parental guidance recommended flatulence and swearing! Once the Pies were dispatched at Stirling Homer took over the driving nailing it through some awful weather along the M6 over shap – the intermittent windscreen wipe circuit I had made using a timer relay and an interposing relay proving itself really useful- anyway onto Forton services where we had double whoppers waiting for us, we had also shipped in some of Cumbria’s finest virgins to put on a floor show for Control Marshall Raider Randle and the other crews, we left as soon as possible! I took over the driving and bored with the route book we took a tour through Chester on the way to Gledrid services -again the car running great apart from getting a bit damp inside- everything was fine -the twisty section through Wales was fun again tagging along with 3 or 4 other 2000s the highlight being a five car U turn with a local police patrol looking on Gordano was reached where my back exercises performed in the cafeteria were confused with someone suffering a cardiac arrest I managed to slip in a meat based savoury product whilst Homer was fuelling the car for his next stint down the M5/A30 -again he took over just as the weather got worse – he was quickly taking on the mantle of rain king! I woke up around Bodmin and took over for the final run in to Lands End ,reached through thick fog at around 06.30am ish . Time for a couple of hours kip before breakfast which was served with an extra helping of sulkiness from the imported labour for the morning, my highlight being I found a lizard in the disabled toilets, thinking I was hallucinating I got Homer to confirm this, and it was in fact a small lizard –maybe it was the point..(Sorry) The next stop was two minutes down the road at the life boat station –inspired stop- the fog had lifted and we could see the sea admire the life boat and stock up with pasties and fags from the local shop . It was then time to bumble through the local Sunday traffic on route to Badgers holt Dartmoor, the trip broken by a 20 minute "emergency stop" when Homer over estimated his “holding power” and a stainless steel latrine was duly rendered useless at a park and ride car park on the outskirts of Liskeard in sympathy a passing seagull emptied its bowel on Homer as he was getting back into the car- I didn’t laugh at all The halt at Badgers was great -a coffee and pie shed along with a really laid back atmosphere from the crews taking in the surroundings, swapping thier driving and car tales of the last 40 hours or so, there was also a lot of talk of the cakes awaiting us at the pimperne village hall so we put idle chat aside deciding some “pudding” might settle things down a bit We were held up at Honiton due to an accident so did a U turn and cut to the old A30 getting back on route with plenty of time to savour the cakes at Pimperne- what a stop! What more can be said and SO much cake! Fully laden the car was still behaving its self and we followed the route to the TR register control sticking to the route from there to the Plough we ended up following the wonderful Stag saloon –I had my head out the window listen into the lovely V8 tune in front! The route cut out a lot of the M25 and was fun once Homer sussed the navigation and we got passed the speed bumps- The Taxi coping fine with them but the lower slung Stag saloon in front was having a few more issues with them, the final few miles on the M25 went ok the traffic not dropping below 40 mph, but we knew we would have to tackle the anti clockwise section - which was solid - to get back to the M3/303 to get home to Devon . We reached the Plough around 19.30 ish filled up with coffee and chatted to other crews until around 21.30 when the traffic had cleared off the M25 allowing us a clear 180 mile run back to Devon- that was the longest 180 miles ever! We were knackered the car behaved faultlessly and we were back at Shedtune base for a decent kip at around 12.30am All in all a great RBR one of the most enjoyable I have done thanks a lot to all concerned in organising it, the spirit of all the crews , and Homer for putting up with me - it was great!

Shedtune RBR

2008-10-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

Another RBR completed- write up to follow along with all the other shedtune stuff!